Dearest Grace,

When you were little, you filled so many lives with sunshine…

It was so much fun to watch you grow up and discover the world around you…

And now that you’re a teenager, it’s just as much fun getting to know

the lovely young woman you’re becoming.

But no matter how much time goes by,

in a very special way, you’ll always be our “little girl.”

so special…

and loved so very much.

Read the above again and tell me what’s wrong. I was reading and I cannot help but laugh. The line that says, “And now that you’re a teenager”.

It’s one day early but Pappy flew in to KL today, just to celebrate the big day with me tomorrow. My pappy is some man, isn’t he? I think this kind of man is already extinct in this world because I still can’t find one. The one thing I feel very grateful towards my dad is the emphasis he places on his family. He takes every single occasion seriously. Birthdays have to be acknowledged and celebrated. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a big birthday bash or a simple dinner with just the four of us, or more recently, just Pappy and me. He just wants to make sure he’s there to celebrate the big day with you.

*sniff sniff* Rasa macam nak nangis.

I’ve never had any big birthday parties. It has always been dinner with the family or friends treating me lunch/dinner. I prefer it that way…or maybe I haven’t got a chance to have a big party to know if I like it or not. But..I think I still prefer a small crowd. I don’t know what Pappy will do tomorrow. He’s the total opposite of me. He likes the crowd. I hope he doesn’t do anything funny. Me scared. Do you know what he’s doing now while I type this? He’s trying to arrange my stuff. I don’t know why but I’ll let him.

But I think I know why, IT’S MESSY! hahahaha

And I’m still listening to Duffy’s Warwick Avenue. How can you not like this song and her unique voice?

Back to the birthday card, it was both signed by Pappy and Mummy.

In the car while I drove Pappy to dinner, “Pa, I’m a teenager.”

“What?”

“I’m a teenager, that’s what the card said. Didn’t you read?”

“No, I didn’t read it. Your mum bought the card.”

I figured so too.

And she got me a bag.

Pappy was very cute also. He placed the card and the bag on my bed. Foo Foo, my little toy rabbit was standing on top of the card, on the bed. So when I went into the room after I came home from work today, I was like  “Wah!”. Foo Foo, what are you doing there?

Aww…Foo Foo has got a pressie for me.

and I’m listening to Duffy’s “Warwick Avenue”. Bloody good song.

Been thinking of revamping the wardrobe gradually. I’ve got too many clothes hidden in the wardrobe that I’m not wearing because they either don’t fit anymore or belong to the years of the dinosaurs. I think it has got something to do with age as well. Your taste changes as well. Of course, there are a few which have not seen the world. They’ve been there since I removed it from the shopping bag and has since collected dust. This, I call would shopping mistake. Something which I’ve been making sure I commit less and no mistakes of such and I think I’m getting better at it. Everytime I see something and feel like buying, I will ask myself 3 times if I will be wearing this, how do I match this with my existing clothes (the more the better, especially if it’s work wear) and is the price worth the buy.

While browsing through the new, not so new, not so old and old stuff, I found out that sometimes investing a little more on a clothing item of a particular brand has got its benefits. Some clothes don’t have the “worn off” effect even though it has been worn so many times.

I like looking at people who dresses well. It can be a simple tee and jeans but they are able to pull it off very well, knowing what colours to match, how the clothings matches their body types and shapes. You get to learn how to dress better also by observing how people wear their clothes, how to mix and match in ways you’ve never think of. Sometimes we have this pre-determined logic set in our head that this should always go with that and never in another way. But you know what, sometimes what you think doesn’t go along well or matches, actually matches perfectly well.

I think I need to go through every piece of clothing in my wardrobe, study how to maximise the full potential of every piece that I can find, so that I get more variety with the few pieces, plan ahead of what to wear especially during work days then I don’t have to say I don’t have anything to wear even though I know they are just in there hidden somewhere but I just can’t seem to find it. I often always wear rotate the same few pieces, most of the time my favourites, that I forget I have other clothes that I can actually wear.

My mama says if you don’t dress up when you’re young, when are you going to dress up?

My mama’s daughter thinks if one wears nicely, it makes one feel good, if one feels good, one feels positive, when one is positive, everything will fall into place.

12:10am. Still listening to Duffy’s Warwick Avenue but I really must head to bed. I think I can sleep now.

I’m leaving you for the last time baby…
You think you’re loving but you don’t love me.
I’ve been confused outta’ my mind lately…
You think you’re loving but I want to be free.
Baby you’ve hurt me.

Had lunch at Bubba Gump, The Curve. A treat from beloved ex-colleague.

Reminds me of my blog when I was dining there because there’s this sign “Run, Forrest, Run” and “Stop, Forrest, Stop” that you can flip, whenever you need help/assistance from the waiters. “Run, Forrest, Run” means you do not need help. “Stop, Forrest, Stop” means you want one of them to “stop” at your table to serve you. Nice!

Thank you Ying! ><

I foresee challenging work days ahead. Wasn’t expecting to meet them that soon but yea, it’s here before I know it.

And with that, I had to have a good weekend. After work on Friday, a friend asked if I wanted to go yamcha with her. I said I could do dinner. We went for dinner at Face to Face Pan Mee, Damansara Uptown then continued our session at Starbucks Coffee. I’m not so much of a Coffee Bean, Starbucks Coffee kind of person. Maybe I’ll visit them twice in a year. We yakked and yakked until the cows come home, close to 1am. I only got to sleep at 3am because I was talking to someone online when I got home.

When I woke up and was chatting with another friend whom I exchanged SMS while still hugging Ducky on the bed, I just wanted so much to listen to Sheila Majid’s Sinaran. So I popped in Sheila Majid’s CD and repeatedly played Sinaran.

Then, met up with another friend and we discovered that today’s the start of the Mega Sale when we were in the shopping mall having lunch, which only meant one thing. SHOPPING!

A pair of shoes. Love it very much because I’ve been looking for this particular sort for years. I’m very fussy when it comes to shoes so when I see something that I can fall in love with, I will buy it. My feet hurt pretty easily when I wear covered shoes. The one I got today was comfy and it’s red. Gives a very nice striking match when wearing with jeans. I feel like sleeping with the shoes tonight. How?

One dress. Already paid the cashier for two tops but when I turned around and saw that dress on the mannequin. I know I will go back home thinking of the dress if I didn’t buy it. It’s nice lor. So nice that I was flipping the dress while I had it on in the fitting room and asked myself why I am so beautiful. *You are allowed to puke at this juncture.*

Working pants. I only buy working pants from Comma because cutting fits me but size of pants must be L. Yea, usually I’d wear M or sometimes S. But the pants from Comma, I got to wear L.

The next hardest thing for me to buy is jeans. Low cut jeans don’t really do me justice. If I wear them standing up, it’s fine. But when I sit down, the nightmare starts. Don’t know how to explain. And it’s so hard to get jeans that are not low-cut nowadays. Suddenly realized butt is bigger now. Waist might still be the same so when getting jeans, I have to make sure it goes up the hips but when it does, there’s more space than needed at the back of my waist when the jeans is totally up. Get what I mean? What do I need to do? SWIM MORE! And maybe continue to look for my dream jeans.

Steamed Chocolate Cake from Nyonya Colours, makes me very happy but I got upset with myself when I totally forgot about it and I was so craving to eat a slice of cake that I went to the nearest Secret Recipe when I was driving home and got myself a Chocolate Cheese cake 10 minutes before they close and then to realize that I have my STEAMED CHOCOLATE CAKE still lying amidst the shopping bags. Steamed Chocolate Cake, I’m sorry for not fulfilling my duty to eat you today because when I finished that slice of Chocolate Cheese, there was no way I can put in more chocolate in my mouth. I’ll have you for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.

Before the Chocolate Cheese, I was in Mid Valley, meeting up with an ex-colleague whom I had dinner with and received my first birthday present for the year. Another handphone holder but it’s alright because I can have one at home and one at the office. This one stays at home. And like I’ve said before, people like to buy me toys.

I got myself a lot of birthday presents for myself too. Total damage done today, about RM300.

I’ve got another shopping session tomorrow but don’t think I’ll be going because I do not want to risk getting stuck in a horrifying jam where “one million people” will be protesting at the stadium. At least, that would refrain myself from spending too much money.

But then again, I was very happy with the damage done.

Someone commented that I’m quiet. Very quiet. I think this is the 3rd time though not coming from the same person for 3 times.

This has been the ultimate problem of mine. Maybe it’s not a problem, more to a character or by nature. I have tried to be a little noisier than my usual self. It is not easy, it is not very hard also..but it just feels like I’m moving a small mountain. It’s not that I’m unwilling to speak more but …I also don’t know how to explain. When annoyed or agitated or you just happen to bring up something which I feel strongly about, something I’m excited about, I can talk non-stop but so far, not everyone has been able to witness that side of me. So I think I have two faces too. One for those I’m not close with. One for those I trust my life with to tell them the silliest of things or truly bare my naked soul with the tiniest problems I have.

Have been smiling to people that I’ve meet whether or not I know their name or they know mine. That’s the minimum one should do. I’ve been initiating conversation also by asking someone their name if I don’t know her/him. Even though the conversation is short but it’s better than not starting anywhere at all, right?

When it comes to small talk, I suck at it.

Maybe I gave the impression that I talk a lot or I’m talkative, but when you are in a job interview, the last thing you want to do is keep quiet!

Maybe I still miss the old gang and maybe I should give it some time. I may be slow in warming up to the others but I’m trying. Though I may not look like I’m trying but trust me, I’m trying really hard. I wasn’t like this before, as in, last time I often wait for others to approach me before I step out of my shell. Now, I’m trying to make the move whenever I have the chance to.

I don’t know ler. Sometimes when people comment that I’m quiet, I’ll go crazy like now. Talking nonsense to myself. Maybe I care a lot of how people look at me, to the extend that I feel that if one were to comment that I’m quiet, I feel that something is wrong with me. I like to be among people, though not necessarily you’ll hear me talking all the time. I just like to be in the crowd. I like to squeeze in the crowd, concerts, pasar malam, a packed shopping mall. But sometimes I just enjoy the peaceful self in that crowd.

Gracie, I know you are trying and I know you’ll do just fine. It may require some time before you feel really comfortable to be here and for others to understand the real you. Maybe you don’t have to make it mandatory for everyone to like you because that’s just not going to happen, even though I know you are one such kind. You always try to make people to like you. But be aware also that there might be just some that you won’t be able to click along 100% well with. That’s why we have radio stations playing different kinds of tunes…to suit the many people with different tastes and likes. Also know that you may or may not get to find a colleague whom you’ll called a friend, a close friend like how you did the last time. You were just plain lucky and still lucky to be able to still be in touch with her. Understand that you are now in a new environment, this isn’t your first time being in a new environment. Remember that you used to find it difficult to fit in, to talk to the different people from all walks of life, from the chic the same age as you, to someone older than you and to someone much older than you, trying to figure what makes them tick, what doesn’t…but it’s a journey you’d have to go through and you’re going to be fine, okay?

Gracie, I love you and may the courage be with you!

Went for a dip again today. I’m such a good girl. Did 8 laps. I must get something pleasant for myself for swimming for 2 times in 3 days and as a motivation to swim more in the coming days so that I can always get something pleasant for myself. hehe

Feel like going shopping. I want to get some pants. New work place = Very cold. Want to wrap up a bit. But still wearing my skirts and when wearing so, must pretend one self is in Sahara…because it’s really cold. Starting to get immune and accustomed to cold aircon. If I had a choice, I’d prefer my blanket.

Been trying to finish reading my RSS feeds but it keeps accumulating. Now there’s 195 items unread. Yea, I don’t know why I’m so greedy. I want to read everybody’s. Well, maybe 40% of the feeds are those of news snippet from The Star. Used to browse through the news online last time, now don’t really have the chance to do it yet..since I really wanna focus during work. Kononnya, I’m very hardworking. I think all this “noodle” stuff appearing lately is disgusting and that our country is very dramatic. Macam-macam cerita ada. Don’t you find yourself reading news nowadays and let out a faint laugh?

Previous job requires not much of my brains. Now this one requires more of my brains until sometimes I also tak biasa, kena switch mode but I like it that way. One should always seek for something harder and challenging to stimulate and exercise the brain when we are still young. When it comes to learning new things, I enjoy it very much.

It can be that… I learnt that cats can scream very loudly by just staring at each other for a very long time and then falling into the drain together. Thought they were fighting but after falling into the drain, no sound pula. Must be doing something very naughty down there.

I also learnt that lizards can fake and freeze themselves. There was one who did that in the kitchen yesterday. Played dead, hoping I’ll believe it. Mr. Lizzie, stop playing around with me.

Internet connection has been very slow at home. It takes me awhile before I can connect to MSN and so I can only rely on meebo while the desktop version is acting cranky. Maxis was down the whole day until when I came back from work yesterday. I was turning on and off the phone for so many times, thinking something was wrong with my phone. Don’t know about the rest but my mum in Sandakan still has not get any Maxis network today and that is already 2 days. That is a bit too long isn’t it?