During Christmas last year, I wrote a note and inserted it into a Christmas stocking. I told Santa I wanted a rewarding career. I missed the feeling of job satisfaction and achievement. Something I’ve not been feeling for over 2 years. I had a¬†8-month career break since June last year. It was a big decision to make. I had all my worries and concern. I knew I needed to take time off to clear my mind, to reset my life, to completely recover from depression.¬†I was worried about the salary that will not be credited into my account, I was worried if any employer would take me in after seeing a gap of unemployment in my resume, I was worried if my skills will be outdated. I was worried about so many things but I made the decision anyway to be out of employment.
As much as I enjoyed the time off, I had moments particularly after the wedding that I wanted to get back into the working world. I wanted to dress up, drive a car and go to work. I wanted to be with people. I wanted to have colleagues. I just want to start working again and to restore my lost confidence.
I had 3 interviews over the span of 2 weeks the moment I started actively looking for job in the beginning of the year. Two were referrals and one was a company contacting me through LinkedIn. I accepted the offer to work for the smallest company I’ve ever worked for. Just the 10 of us.
Of course, I was worried again if I made the right choice but I didn’t overthink this time. The last time I remember, I overthink into whether to accept a job offer that it aggravated my already stressed mind and since then I started spiralling down into the black hole. I didn’t want to apply for any further jobs since I got the job offer. I do not have big fat benefits a large MNC would offer. It’s not an international company. Everything is pretty basic but¬†my heart just told me to just go for it.
I’m just thankful that I’ve got a job, to have the opportunity to start from ground zero again. There is no job description in black and white given to me so I went in with a blank canvas, taking on my first project with a lot to learn. I’m the only one in the team with the designated role and the only female in the team.
I’m grateful for the nice people at work. I’m grateful to have a MacBook Pro even though it comes with a really noisy fan. I’m grateful that I can commute later in the morning to work to escape the traffic jam. I get home later because of that but I’m fine. At times, I would need to hang around a little longer at work or the mall below it to wait out on traffic jam on rainy days. I drive 37km one way everyday. I’m grateful to be working in the same area (opposite blocks) with my sister. We can meet up for lunch. Something I cherish and appreciate very much now that we are not staying together since I got married.
I rejoice in the ability to be independent again. I rejoice in the ability to focus. I’m happy that I don’t beat myself up. I’m happy that I can utilise my brain again
I’m more at peace with myself. I’ve never regretted taking that career break. Even though I was poorer (bank account wise), productivity wise there wasn’t much, no big achievements but I spent time with myself. It taught me lessons…that it’s ok to take a break. Things will eventually work out. Worrying and overthinking is the worst thing you can do to your heart and brain. I know what is important to me and what matters. I am more “cincai”. I ignore little stuff that don’t really matter so that I spend energy and time on stuff that matters. I value my health and happiness more so I’m always on constant check on my stress level. I’m rounder and fatter because exercise time has been reduced since I started working…but I want to get back to my exercise routine again.
There are definitely more things that swim around in my mind now. During my break, I focused on myself. Now, I’m also thinking for my loved ones. I’m just glad that even though I’m a changed lady but I’m still very much me.
Happy International Women’s Day!