Single Dad in Love

This is a very nice Korean series showing on KBS every Monday and Tuesday nights from 9pm to 10:15pm. I didn’t get to catch the first few episodes and I think now it’s near the ending. Again, it was Mummy who got hooked on it first before asking me to watch it too.

Sangat menyentuh hati. Sangat menyayat hati.

I LOVE IT. I LOVE KBS.

Blessing in Disguise

and so, life goes on.

The Bali trip is not going to happen and I’ve come to terms with it. I guess when God takes something away from you, He gives something back to you.

I attended 2 interviews today and after each interview, I received an email (during lunch) and a phone call (while I was driving home after my 2nd interview), for an interview invitation. Quite speechless but I’m also very happy.

In fact, today is one of the more interesting days so far. First interview venue was just 5 minutes drive away from my house. It’s just so near! Got interviewed by the Managing Director which I only realised towards the end of the interview. There was a test that I needed to sit at the end of the interview. I was asked to write and draw. To nail this, I would need to go through a 2nd interview, that is if I made an impression today to get a second chance.

Went home for lunch and checked my email. Ta da!!

Left after lunch to my next interview session and I was glad I arrived 45 minutes ahead to give myself ample time to look for parking. This place is a nightmare for parking and as I’ve expected, the place that I wanted to park was full so I had to park somewhere further. Walked downhill and then uphill and then ended up in a maze. Called the office for direction. Got on the correct lift and reached at the right floor. More maze but I managed to find the place. Was sweating as I sat waiting at the sofa, calming and cooling myself down.

To nail this, I also need to go through a second interview. That is also if I made an impression today to get a second chance.

As I was walking towards the car park, it was drizzling. I’m particularly very sensitive to the sound of the motorcycle when I walk alone and there were a few times where I had to turn around to make sure no motorcycle was tailing me. It’s hard really to get out of the grip from something that has haunted you before. I don’t feel a sense of security walking alone, especially when it’s accompanied with the sound of a motorcycle and the area is with no one..as I’ve been mugged before. Anyway, when I saw my car, I actually ran towards it. The car park is quite secluded and there will be practically no one hearing my scream even if I wanted to. But maybe it wasn’t so dangerous lah but sometimes it’s better to be paranoid than to be ignorant.

Both the interviews today made me feel much better than the first one I had a few weeks ago. Aku rasa SHIOK hari ini. Tapi tak boleh terlalu shiok sebab ada 2 lagi aku kena prepare.

AZA AZA HUAITING!

No Bali, Drink Barley

It has been an “eventful” week.

I got a flat tyre just two days ago.

Yesterday, he told me the Bali trip will have to be postponed, which was such a fantastic piece of news, I exploded. I’ve booked the air tickets, 3 months ago, booked the hotel, booked the spa, and planned of places that I’ll be visiting..and this is what I get.

He was saying he just changed to a new job and he couldn’t take leave and he can only take leave in June…and that itself, it’s not confirmed. The purpose of me going to Bali because I won a 3D2N Complimentary hotel stay and it’s not going to be valid until June.

Words just cannot describe how I feel. Before even booking the air ticket, I double checked with him if the dates are okay. A few weeks before this, I reminded him to check if his passport is still valid and reminded him about the trip. It was all OKAY…until yesterday.

And in a sudden burst of anger, I actually told him I’m going with another guy, even though I wasn’t. And the reply which I expected to come from him, came out exactly as I thought. He said GO AHEAD. Of course, he was angry. And when he told me that, I was at work. And I had to disguise like nothing is happening. Can’t be crying on my desk. Went to the toilet and tried SO VERY HARD not to let that tear drip. Came out from the toilet but it was still lingering in my eyes and I forced myself not to cry.

I would appreciate very much if you do not ask me about the details or what I’m going to do about this Bali trip, not because I do not like to talk to you but I’m tired of explaining and by asking me why, you remind me of the pain and disappointment which I wish to bury. But should you choose to mention about it because you think you care about me so much, I will choose to ignore you.

I’m pissed. Yes.

Very.

Pissed.

Sometimes I ask myself I should be angry with him who’s busy working and focusing on his career. I’m not the kind who would demand or force someone to quit from a job that he likes to tailor specifically to my needs. I would just you know leave you if I think I cannot accommodate anymore. It’s getting so hard that I’m sad to a point where it begins to numb the heart. But maybe it’s good that way, because by then, it won’t know it hurts anymore.

My current and past relationships have never been smooth-going. I do wonder and ask how many cycles of heartbreak that I would need to go through before I could actually settle down. All these heartbreaks somehow turned me into a different person, it seems so impossible to become the person I would like be. I don’t trust easily anymore. I worry more than usual. I don’t even feel like loving.

I had to wait till Mum is asleep before writing this so that she wouldn’t see me cry. She has been giving me a mountainful of pressure too about this whole relationship thingy. Taking that pressure itself is just as tough. Understand why she’s acting the way she is. She’s worried about me. She wants someone to take care of me so that she feels better. But sometimes I wish she could actually understand how I feel too. She has never been fond of any of my boyfriends which is why I also think it’s impossible for me to be with someone who fulfil all her requirements. And as always, I go against her, which isn’t helping much really…

Talking about the flat tyre, I didn’t even felt like calling the boyfriend to tell him about it…or asking him to ask for help. I just decided to take things to my own hands and solve it on my own. I only messaged him after that to tell him, I’VE GOT A FLAT TYRE BUT I’VE SOLVED IT.” Understand what I’m talking about? I’m no longer the same person I used to be.

Thank You!

Charlene, thank you for making the call today. Appreciate it so much lah! Felt so much like flapping my wings to Aussie (if I had one) to give you a smooch.

I hope I’ll do well. I need this.