Bye November

Someone asked me if I would be free for lunch then I thought about a colleague who is on leave which leaves just me and another colleague, so I thought I’d postpone the lunch so that my colleague will not be eating alone.

I was about to leave work when suddenly a colleague needed help to work on something that she’s not done before but had to get it done the same day itself. We explored together. She reading the instructions, me clicking the mouse. Time flies and it was already 9:30pm. I reached home at 10pm. Although I missed having done anything that night, like soaking up in a book at home, (and I missed dinner), I just I couldn’t bear to live her alone, knowing what it’s like to be dumped with something so raw to you.

I think I love my colleagues a lot.

December is here in 10 minutes. It has been a busy and tiring November. I’ve been working too hard, my skin looks like shit. I didn’t cook a single meal this month so that’s really bad.

I cooked mung bean soup today to get started. A random and sudden decision. I opened the cabinet, I saw mung beans, I cooked. Had that for dessert and will have it for breakfast tomorrow.

if perfect’s what you’re searching for, then just stay the same.

– bruno mars

Purple is My Name

Yay! This blog is back to its true colour.

I can’t believe it’s going to be almost 2.5 years of me wearing braces. It is 1 year longer than expected. In some way, it doesn’t make any difference if I’m going to wear it for another year because it is already a part of me. Of course, I’d like to feel my teeth once again with my tongue instead of touching brackets and arch wires. It’s going to be another Chinese New Year with braces unless my teeth co-operate!

My last visit to the dentist yesterday was a painful one. He put on a new wiring for me for the upper jaw to pull 4 front teeth downwards to close the gap between the upper and lower front teeth. It’s one thing I’ve been struggling with for the past few months. The wire has got a dent that forms the pressure to pull my teeth downwards. When the dentist was forming that dent, it felt like he was punching all of my front teeth all at once. The pressure of it all. I really started thinking if he’s going to break my teeth and my tears were starting to form because of the pain of the pressure.

Then, he said he wanted to do some fine-tuning to my front set of lower teeth. The word “fine-tune” just sounds so funny to be used in dentistry. The fine-tuning involved something that looks like a razor blade and he saw through the gap between two of my teeth. Then, another machine went into my mouth and did something unknown to me. This part was painless even though it sounded like it would hurt. What I know is this dentist never fails to surprise me. There are just so many creative ways of doing teeth.

Watched Harry Potter 7 – Part 1 and it just makes me want to re-read the book from Book 1 to the end so that I can fully understand each and every character. I’ve only completed Book 3 few years ago so I don’t know when I’ll find time to finish the rest. One of my favourite character is Dobby!

Overtime

That’s pretty much what my life is all about now for the past 2 weeks…and it may prolong till Christmas. I’m predicting that I’m going to work on the next public holiday. I’ve worked the past 2 public holidays so public holiday has been erased from my dictionary temporarily. It doesn’t feel that bad because I don’t hate what I do, I think I kinda enjoy what I’m doing, just trying to get as much things done as I can. Once I hit a certain time, I’ll tell myself to stop whether or not it’s completed and call it a day. Today’s exceptional because it’s time to sit down and write a bit.

I cannot believe it’s going to be the end of 2010 soon. That would mean I’m going to be one year older. 29 will be the figure. 30 feels so near.

I don’t have the urge of updating this blog daily. I used to be filled with ideas of what I would write. Sometimes when something happens in a day, I would tell myself, “I’m going to write about this tonight!” But then, it has been so many many days that I don’t find anything special to write about other than, I ate this, I went to that shopping mall, someone pissed me off today.

I need to get excited more, everyday.

Not ok

I’m not ok tonight. Feels like something is choking the heart. I think this is due to the busy week that I had. I’ve not really had a break. When the schedule shifted to an end today, I felt lost.

I stayed back at work even though I knew I could go back to have some rest. It’s a scary thing when you know you just want work to occupy your time because you’ve got nowhere to go, no one to spend time with you and you absorb yourself in work, hoping it’ll bring you somewhere, but it brings me nowhere. In fact, I feel miserable.

For the past week, I’ve seen the beautiful and the ugly. People that has a heart and people who are just so realistic that it disappoints me.

So you see I have had people driving me up the wall and I’ve also had someone who is so nice, it felt like I’ve not been treated in such a way for a very long time. It’s so heart-warming to be in the presence of kind people. People who are just plain nice and not pretending to be nice.

There are things that I can’t write here but I want to remember them.

I was getting ready to sleep after aimlessly spending my time on the Internet, wanting to fix my blog and then I screw things up and I ended up being frustrated, the blog went from minor fixing to now needing major fixing. And then I thought ok, maybe it needs a breath of fresh air and I’ll give it just that. Just like I need to stay cool and not be too hard on myself.

It got so bad, I didn’t know what was wrong, I started talking to myself aloud, hoping God would hear me as I talk to myself about the things I’m grateful for and being really honest on why I’m feeling this way. And then I was lost for words because I still didn’t know what’s still missing and I ended up crying, because that seemed like the next easiest thing to do to release myself from the discomfort and uneasiness I was engulfed in.

I feel better now but I know I’m driving the people who are going to read this nuts.

I’m expecting panda eyes tomorrow but I know I should be able to march on and continue my journey.

Gracie, just remember that you’re blessed and you’ll find the way. It’s ok to breakdown tonight. Now go to bed.