crazy

I can’t believe it’s going to be August soon.

I was hoping the crazy 2-weeks would end but there has been some change of events so there’s definitely another crazy week I’ll have to go through. I just feel that things are going at a pace that’s too fast for me but I’m coping.

I spent the day doing nothing particularly important. I don’t know why I’d feel guilty not doing anything productive on a weekend. My mind is telling me I should do something, like house chores, learn something, study, read something but I’ve been glued to my monitor watching this Korean drama. It feels good to just watch because it takes my mind away from all the heavy stuff. But at the same time, I’m also feeling I’m wasting my time by just watching it.

Oh please kill me already.

Today for me is just like a pause button. Wanting the world to stop spinning for awhile. Just want myself to just not think about anything and just let myself rest for awhile. However, it plays by itself occasionally when one of those heavy stuff keeps popping into my mind.

Oh please kill me again.

Growth

One thing I’ve learnt is that I’m not learning enough.

There are new things that I need to learn. There are also things that I already know but don’t know good enough.

I have never been the kind of person who has a career plan all mapped out for the next 5 years. So whenever I’m being asked “What are your career goals, what do you see yourself in the next 5 years?”, I shudder.

But I think I shouldn’t avoid it anymore and should really think about it because I’m no longer at the stage where I’m lost and not know which path or field of work I’d like to be in. I’ve worked on 3 entirely different role for the past 6 years. I am still glad I made the move to change because though it took time for me to explore, I knew what I didn’t like and what I like. It may change with time, maybe I’d do something completely different from what I’m doing now…but it’s safe to say I’m fine with what I’m doing now.

It’s so easy to get comfortable with where I am now but the question is “Am I learning anything new? Am I growing?”

I will need to do some soul-searching and answer those questions. And before I let the last half of 2011 zoom by, I better make sure I grow and develop myself.

What a Week!

Last week was a crazy week for me. I knew what was installed for me, went through it all, survived and came home last night after the end of a work week, lying dead on the sofa, watching television but wasn’t really watching, blanked out and just wanted to stop thinking.

It started last Friday when I received a call to try out a new opportunity. I don’t like to have the “what-ifs” unless I know that’s not what I really want so I gave it a try.

Monday, prepared for Tuesday, had many questions and answers playing in my mind, had many scenarios playing in my mind, thought about how things would turn on, started imagining and dreaming, visualising (ya, I think I’m crazy!).

Tuesday, I had a phone interview. Totally screwed it. Too many awkward pauses, didn’t know what I was talking about, could have been more fluent and clear, could have been more confident, could have spoken in a lively manner….but I was just nervous and uncomfortable before the call so it went downhill from then on.

Hanging up, I felt terrible. Felt like beating myself.

Wednesday, received a follow-up call and was asked how it went. I told her I think I could have done better. The same day itself, thinking there’s no more hope, I was asked to take a test on Thursday from home and go through another phone interview on Friday.

Thursday: Went for an interview. This time face-to-face for another opportunity. This was also a little tough because I had to clock in early to make up for the hours I’m going to go missing. Had to answer detailed questions from someone at work of where I’m going, why I’m leaving early, who I’m meeting. You have no idea how many lies I had to come up with this week. This is so not me so I felt like I’m suffocating.

When I was in the lift going down, I prayed no one’s going to see me. I wished I was invisible.

I took another lift up to my destination and again prayed no one’s going to see me. I wished I was still invisible.

Spent 2 hours there and told I was being shortlisted and that there’ll be another phone interview next week.

Took the test at night from the first opportunity but turned out, there was some confusion on the instructions.

Friday: Waited at home for the phone to ring. This time I did a lot better than the previous call. The person in charge called me after that to let me know how it went and said she wanted to meet me personally and she would come to me instead of having me go over. I’ve never seen someone being so aggressive but I applaud her for putting a lot of effort into her job. And I think it was also a form of test, to see if I can communicate well with others. These days, having technical skills is not enough, you got to be able to communicate like you’re able to sell a product. I’m not kidding. It’s like even if you’re a programmer, it’ll be really great if you could communicate like a consultant.

I was again told that there will be another phone interview. And I’ll have to do the test with revised instructions.

Forced myself to finish my Korean lesson homework because I didn’t had time the whole week to even look at it. Was so sleepy and tired already but I just kept going on.

On top of all those, I’m stuck with a problem which I’m unable to reveal here…for now. And when I thought everything’s just going to end here, all of the above will continue next week. I anticipate more lies to be told (not that I like it but I have to!), to learn how to negotiate, to learn how to stay calm, to be more confident and above all to stay hopeful.

Though it was tiring and mind-draining, I had one of the most exciting week of my usually routine work weeks. It made me think a lot. Talking to people gave me some new perspective. I’ve also learnt that the world is getting smaller. Both opportunities would have me working with people from another part of the world, which is what I’m currently doing now anyway.

Whatever the outcome may be, at least I know I’ve tried.

Gracie, good luck!

Popping Honey

Weird but true.

Sister was looking for some honey to soothe her throat and cough. Asked me which one she should take. I said she can either take the one I’ve been taking or the new bottle that says “Durian Honey”. Not because the honey is durian flavoured but because the bees/honey are from a durian tree.

She tried opening the bottle cap and it popped really loudly and then screwed it back.

She went back to the room and I was on the phone with Mum.

Suddenly she was just shouting in the kitchen and I came to the rescue.

“I don’t know what honey is this!! Crazy honey!!! LOOK!”, pointing to the ceiling.

I see signs of honey plastered on the ceiling, floor and table and honey still kept flowing from the bottle and thought…wow amazing. The bottle cap actually came out on its own, probably too much pressure from below. Hence, hitting the ceiling.

I was still on the phone and Mummy told me the honey is still fermenting.

Great.

So I poured half of the bottle into another container and mopped the kitchen floor and ceiling.

Not knowing if it will still pop, I poured it into another container and then covered the two containers with the rice cooker. I hope rice cooker is strong enough to prevent another disaster, if that happens.

There goes my honey story…