Last week was a crazy week for me. I knew what was installed for me, went through it all, survived and came home last night after the end of a work week, lying dead on the sofa, watching television but wasn’t really watching, blanked out and just wanted to stop thinking.
It started last Friday when I received a call to try out a new opportunity. I don’t like to have the “what-ifs” unless I know that’s not what I really want so I gave it a try.
Monday, prepared for Tuesday, had many questions and answers playing in my mind, had many scenarios playing in my mind, thought about how things would turn on, started imagining and dreaming, visualising (ya, I think I’m crazy!).
Tuesday, I had a phone interview. Totally screwed it. Too many awkward pauses, didn’t know what I was talking about, could have been more fluent and clear, could have been more confident, could have spoken in a lively manner….but I was just nervous and uncomfortable before the call so it went downhill from then on.
Hanging up, I felt terrible. Felt like beating myself.
Wednesday, received a follow-up call and was asked how it went. I told her I think I could have done better. The same day itself, thinking there’s no more hope, I was asked to take a test on Thursday from home and go through another phone interview on Friday.
Thursday: Went for an interview. This time face-to-face for another opportunity. This was also a little tough because I had to clock in early to make up for the hours I’m going to go missing. Had to answer detailed questions from someone at work of where I’m going, why I’m leaving early, who I’m meeting. You have no idea how many lies I had to come up with this week. This is so not me so I felt like I’m suffocating.
When I was in the lift going down, I prayed no one’s going to see me. I wished I was invisible.
I took another lift up to my destination and again prayed no one’s going to see me. I wished I was still invisible.
Spent 2 hours there and told I was being shortlisted and that there’ll be another phone interview next week.
Took the test at night from the first opportunity but turned out, there was some confusion on the instructions.
Friday: Waited at home for the phone to ring. This time I did a lot better than the previous call. The person in charge called me after that to let me know how it went and said she wanted to meet me personally and she would come to me instead of having me go over. I’ve never seen someone being so aggressive but I applaud her for putting a lot of effort into her job. And I think it was also a form of test, to see if I can communicate well with others. These days, having technical skills is not enough, you got to be able to communicate like you’re able to sell a product. I’m not kidding. It’s like even if you’re a programmer, it’ll be really great if you could communicate like a consultant.
I was again told that there will be another phone interview. And I’ll have to do the test with revised instructions.
Forced myself to finish my Korean lesson homework because I didn’t had time the whole week to even look at it. Was so sleepy and tired already but I just kept going on.
On top of all those, I’m stuck with a problem which I’m unable to reveal here…for now. And when I thought everything’s just going to end here, all of the above will continue next week. I anticipate more lies to be told (not that I like it but I have to!), to learn how to negotiate, to learn how to stay calm, to be more confident and above all to stay hopeful.
Though it was tiring and mind-draining, I had one of the most exciting week of my usually routine work weeks. It made me think a lot. Talking to people gave me some new perspective. I’ve also learnt that the world is getting smaller. Both opportunities would have me working with people from another part of the world, which is what I’m currently doing now anyway.
Whatever the outcome may be, at least I know I’ve tried.
Gracie, good luck!