Helping Others

Helping is a good value but sometimes I get confused on if I should or shouldn’t help and how much should I help.

Last 2 weeks ago, I didn’t had a very good week. It was tough and I really needed help. The help came in different forms. Some listened to me because there wasn’t anything they could do. Some tried to do what they can to help but still the problem didn’t just go away. Some couldn’t help me. Some said words that were not pleasant to my ear. The feelings that I experienced was such a mixture that I don’t know what I was feeling anymore. And again, I am reminded that sometimes there are just things that I can only help myself with. It’s not that I’m not welcoming any help but I just think that I got to help myself to get help and if I don’t get any help, I will need to help myself in whatever way I can.

And I understand very well the feeling and the need to get help desperately and not getting it, which is why whenever I see someone who is in trouble and needs help, I will help them because I’m thinking they must be feeling what I feel what a person in need of help is feeling. But you know what? I may not be right. Some may say I shouldn’t help but there’s just something in me, the soft part in me that just can’t bear the sight or situation not to help, if it is within my means….more so in relation of the feeling of how I wanted help so badly, made me wanted to help even more. Because I don’t like the feeling of helplessness and if one less person can feel the same, I think that is great.

I helped someone last week and I know she feels like what I feel when I really need help badly and when you think no one else can help but then help came. I’m happy I helped and was able to help. I’m not thinking about how helping her would help another party who doesn’t deserve the help at all maybe…but to me, I was only thinking about helping her. I was only thinking about helping her.

Last week wasn’t an equally good week. I wouldn’t say it’s bad but it’s better than the week before but I was just super crazy. It’s like a year’s work crammed into a week. It’s going at a rate where I can’t imagine how I’m going to survive it.

This week is another super crazy week but it will also end abruptly by Friday and I know I’m going to feel lost this Friday because I’ve been too busy and I’m going to stop being busy suddenly as well and I will definitely feel many things.

I’m entering a new chapter next week and I’ve not really had the time to actually get ready or prepared for it. I don’t feel excited or nervous about it yet because I’m still busy being very busy. I guess I’m going to allow life to take its place and let it unfold the surprises for me.

I’m really glad that I’ve not gone crazy. I am very proud of myself. I am confident that I will go through this. I know I will get the form of help I still need in times to come. I’m thankful for the ability of writing things down because it indirectly helps to unload the burden off my chest.

2 more days, Gracie. Give it your best and then you can go for your facial, hair cut and I allow you to get a dress this weekend. Maybe a pair of new shoes…but I think what you really need is a boyfriend! Ha!

 

You Are My Best Friend

I spent two nights in KK after my trip from New Zealand. The day I was due to fly back to KL, my parents were with me at the airport.

My mum took the luggage bag that I was strolling and said, “Let me help you.”

I insisted that I strolled it myself but she refused. I said why and she said, “Because you are my best friend.”

“You understand me. I can pour out all my sorrows to you and you always support me.”

That’s like the most touching thing my mum has ever said lately.

After I reached KL, I called Mum and I said, “Hello, my best friend.”

Since then, whenever we call each other, we’ll start the phone conversation with “Hello, my best friend.” Sometimes I call her μ–΄λ¨Έλ‹ˆ, mother in Korean. So it depends on what we are feeling that day. πŸ™‚

 

ζ΅·ζž―ηŸ³ηƒ‚

Hello, my name is Ducky. I’m 11 years old. The last time I wrote about myself was when I was 4 years old. I’ve grown up over the years but you won’t note any difference in terms of size. I’m still the same size now as I was 7 years ago. It’s just that I’ve grown wiser. I’m a soft toy duck, what do you expect?

The last time I’ve seen my owner, Grace, in distress was when she had a breakup when she was 19 or 20. She really thinks it’s the end of the world. I could only watch helplessly as I let her hugged me while sobbing her heart out. She went through breakups after that too but she somehow managed and grew out of it.

Last week, I saw her in distress again. I think it’s the worst I’ve seen. She usually cries to bed when she’s really sad but one morning last week, she woke up and she was crying when brushing her teeth. I know it must be really tough for her to be crying while brushing her teeth. For the whole week, she goes to bed thinking about the thing that is causing her pain and she wakes up the next morning, thinking about the thing that is causing her pain. It was almost 5 days straight that she had to keep thinking about the pain. I was so afraid she will lose her mind. Again, all I could do was to watch helplessly while she thought and thought, sometimes cry a little when it gets too much. No matter how hard it got during the past week, I knew she had this slightest hope in her and the strength that she enforces upon herself to go through this challenging period.

The thing that is causing her pain hasn’t go away yet. It would take time but this week, I see that Grace is able to breathe a little and has been very very busy at work.

No matter what happens, I will be there for her, even if it means watching helplessly. She may not know this but I pray for her everyday.

Weddings and Babies

It’s the wedding season again. I’ve been invited to 4 weddings from October onwards but can only attend 3.

I just attended a Kadazan wedding last night so it was a new experience. Didn’t know the wedding couple though because I just tagged along with dad.

There are babies popping out the last week or so of my friends’ and a cousin’s. All in all, I’m happy for them but can’t really feel how happy I would be if I were them until I land in the same position myself.

But one statement from my mum just hit me last night. “Everyone’s daughter is getting married, except mine.”

Not the kind of statement I’d like to hear. πŸ™

I’m sure the day will come, it’s just not now.

Typing this from my iPhone in the dark. My parents are still sleeping but I woke up really early, the effects of jet lag is still with me. Catching a flight later back to KL where I’ll need to change mode and be a grown up.