Helping is a good value but sometimes I get confused on if I should or shouldn’t help and how much should I help.
Last 2 weeks ago, I didn’t had a very good week. It was tough and I really needed help. The help came in different forms. Some listened to me because there wasn’t anything they could do. Some tried to do what they can to help but still the problem didn’t just go away. Some couldn’t help me. Some said words that were not pleasant to my ear. The feelings that I experienced was such a mixture that I don’t know what I was feeling anymore. And again, I am reminded that sometimes there are just things that I can only help myself with. It’s not that I’m not welcoming any help but I just think that I got to help myself to get help and if I don’t get any help, I will need to help myself in whatever way I can.
And I understand very well the feeling and the need to get help desperately and not getting it, which is why whenever I see someone who is in trouble and needs help, I will help them because I’m thinking they must be feeling what I feel what a person in need of help is feeling. But you know what? I may not be right. Some may say I shouldn’t help but there’s just something in me, the soft part in me that just can’t bear the sight or situation not to help, if it is within my means….more so in relation of the feeling of how I wanted help so badly, made me wanted to help even more. Because I don’t like the feeling of helplessness and if one less person can feel the same, I think that is great.
I helped someone last week and I know she feels like what I feel when I really need help badly and when you think no one else can help but then help came. I’m happy I helped and was able to help. I’m not thinking about how helping her would help another party who doesn’t deserve the help at all maybe…but to me, I was only thinking about helping her. I was only thinking about helping her.
Last week wasn’t an equally good week. I wouldn’t say it’s bad but it’s better than the week before but I was just super crazy. It’s like a year’s work crammed into a week. It’s going at a rate where I can’t imagine how I’m going to survive it.
This week is another super crazy week but it will also end abruptly by Friday and I know I’m going to feel lost this Friday because I’ve been too busy and I’m going to stop being busy suddenly as well and I will definitely feel many things.
I’m entering a new chapter next week and I’ve not really had the time to actually get ready or prepared for it. I don’t feel excited or nervous about it yet because I’m still busy being very busy. I guess I’m going to allow life to take its place and let it unfold the surprises for me.
I’m really glad that I’ve not gone crazy. I am very proud of myself. I am confident that I will go through this. I know I will get the form of help I still need in times to come. I’m thankful for the ability of writing things down because it indirectly helps to unload the burden off my chest.
2 more days, Gracie. Give it your best and then you can go for your facial, hair cut and I allow you to get a dress this weekend. Maybe a pair of new shoes…but I think what you really need is a boyfriend! Ha!