저 그 사람 좋아해요

Don’t even bother Google translating this! (It’s not entirely accurate. I’ve checked!) And I will tell you what it means. It literary means “I like that person.” I like this sentence a lot. I’ve heard it somewhere the first time and heard it again today on the TV and that’s it…was so happy I finally can understand one complete simple sentence without looking at the subtitles. I hope I get to say this one day and really mean it…in the very near future.

너무 좋아해요!

좋아!

Making Cleaning a Joy

This is my 2nd week that I’m cleaning the house without feeling angry. I used to feel that it’s a burden. Yes, I would clean but I will always hold a grudge. Sometimes I blame myself for not allocating time to clean the house, which is why it gets harder and longer to clean when the dirt accumulates even more. Sometimes I get angry with my sister. I don’t yell or tell her off or even ask her to clean. I get angry inside with myself and so the anger is not known. I wished that she would understand that we share responsibilities with the house, including cleaning it. My mum has said it. I have said it too so even after all that and nothing changes, I’ve decided not to be angry or expect anything. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate my sister. I’m just trying to understand why things are the way they are.

Today I woke up and with nothing particular that I plan to do. Then, I just thought of cleaning the house and I did. And I enjoyed it and what makes me happy is that I get faster at doing it. And I think it’ll be fast or faster the next time I do it, once I get used to it, once it becomes a natural thing for me to do.

Cleaning the house is my sole responsibility now. Putting the clothes to wash, folding them, watering the plants. I’ll do everything to make this house a little cleaner and tidier as I progress. The one thing I won’t do is to help my sister to iron her clothes. I will iron only mine because I do not want her to think that I’m her servant. And I know once she runs out of clothes to wear, she would definitely hit the ironing board. I cannot stand walking on a dirty floor but I’m still ok with seeing a pile of clothes in the clothes basket.

And I can understand why my mum gets angry most of the time when she cleans the house when she’s here. It’s the same anger I feel when I expect someone to help me. I know why she gets mad when none of us observe how she cooks. She wants us to learn how she cooks and learn her recipes, that’s why. But what really keeps me from wanting to learn before is because she’s always angry, or that I’ll get scolded whenever I do something in the kitchen that she is not pleased with just because I’m not following her way, even though my way isn’t a wrong thing to do. Now that I’m feeling and know what she’s been feeling, I think I can accept the scoldings if that what’s makes her happy. I think it isn’t really that she wants to scold. Her intentions are good but she is just not patient enough to actually tell me things in a nicer and softer tone. That’s fine with me now that I’m beginning to see the whole picture.

See…I’m happy that I have this “suddenly-it-dawned-upon-me” feeling today. I love that I vacuumed and mopped the floor with a really light heart. It was just so nice. Even nicer when I was done and I found myself gliding on the floor with my very light feet.

Learning About Myself

Knowing that I’m an INFJ and reading more about INFJ (this is one interesting read ) made me learn things about myself. It’s like having someone telling you how you are like. It’s scary and it’s so true. I don’t think I can change the core of me but I would like to work on some things now that I know how I’m like. Things people won’t tell me, whether they don’t realise it or maybe it’s not really a big deal.

INFJs hardly ever initiate anything. They like it when the other person initiates a conversation, contact, etc. (Source )

Comparatively, I’ve started initiating things more now than I used to but it’s still not enough. Initiating a conversation may seem like an easy task but to me, it’s an effort. Sometimes I give myself a pat on the shoulder for initiating something. It’s maybe something normal and not an achievement for others, but to me, depending on what situation I’m in, it’s like an achievement.

I started sending a text message to someone today (yes…initiating conversation). That person has yet to reply but it’s ok because when I sent that out, it put a big smile on my face. There is still a lot of work to be done but I’m not going to be too hard on myself. I will do it gradually and eventually and hopefully, this will not be an effort anymore but a natural thing to do.

I really liked this from the article though.

“INFJs take time to open up. They are slow burners. I find I can’t really get to know them until after many prolonged conversations. But after you enter their realm of trust they are the sweetest, most genuine people.”

You see…I have “layers”. This platform may be the only place where I’m being 100% honest of what I think and feel and cannot be reproduced when you ask me verbally. I may be able to give you the answers but I will not be as descriptive as how I would be in written form. I have people telling me that I’m different when they first start to know me and when after they know me (of course, it’s provided that I open up and allow them to peel my “layers”). So if I don’t open up to you at a normal speed, it’s not really because I hate you, it may just be that I need to know I can trust you and I’m in safe hands before I do that.

I’m grateful that recently someone has been “studying” me. Maybe that person is just curious but it’s a little scary when that person studies what bag you carry, what shoes you wear, what your eyes say when you don’t open your mouth and is able to “read” you. It’s been awhile since someone notices me and it’s heartwarming to know that at least there’s someone out there who actually understands who I am. Because I get a lot of “You sure you’re ok? You seem quiet.” (Actually I just got one tonight). Anyway…I want to write more but it’s 1am but I should really get some sleep.