Had wanted to write something earlier but the Internet access at home is just too slow and keeps disconnecting. I like the fact that I’m back to KL with fast Internet access but I miss home so badly that I’m really feeling a bit teary-eyed now.

Was talking to Mum in her room last evening before we made our way to the airport…when I started to want to you know..cry a little but I just have to hold back.

Every time I go home, it never fails to bring back lots of lost memories and feelings. Every trip home during Chinese New Year is always different and special in its own way. This Chinese New Year is the first in which I spend without my braces which is really really cool. Imagine 3 CNYs with braces and this is the first without it…awesome.

This is also the year in which I’ll be hitting 30 in July. I consider myself 30 already if you go by the calendar year. I don’t feel 30 at all. Would like to be looking like 30, acting like 30 but I just don’t think I’m there. This year, I have my sister’s friends who are 3 years younger than me..that are married and have started giving out angpau and I’m also one of the lucky recipients. It does feel weird. It was weird when my married friends started giving me angpau but it’s weirder now that people younger than me are giving me angpau. It is like a gentle reminder that something needs to be done.

I met friends that I’ll meet every year. The number of friends that comes home gets lesser as the years go by and as friends get married to other places. It is how it is, isn’t it? Just got to adapt and experience life as it goes by.

Went out for drink with a schoolmate for the first time. It’s funny that we are acquaintance, we used to greet each other in school and that’s about it. I’m happy we met for a drink and he kept persuading me to come home for good.

Met another friend whom I thought will be hard to be forgiven one or two years ago but now, I don’t feel anything and we are back to how we used to be. Again it proves that time heals.

Met you..as would every CNY allows us to. Thank you for your patience and for telling me all the things I once did and things that I’ve said but have forgotten. It’s nice to have someone telling me how it used to be, brings back lots of memories. I’ve always thought that I have a pretty good memory but it looks like mine is fading.

I wish everyone love, health and wealth and most of all happiness in this Dragon year. I’ve read pretty mixed reviews of my zodiac’s prediction but wouldn’t want it to bother me too much. If it is to be, it is up to me.

“I don’t know….She has got this English-speaking look so I tend to speak to her in English.”

“So, does that mean I have a Chinese-speaking look?”

*laughter*

Now I know..anyway I have tried replying to conversations in Cantonese but both still talks to me in English. And sometimes I find myself speaking in Mandarin, Cantonese and English in one lunch session when I talk to different people. Some knows Mandarin but not Cantonese. Some speaks Cantonese but not Mandarin. English is still the universal language but I’m glad I speak all Mandarin, Cantonese and English so it doesn’t really matter. Oh! And a smattering of Korean.

Been feeling really tired that I’ve been napping immediately once I get home from work for two days straight. My days are filled to the brim and I find myself not having enough time to do the things that I need to do. With CNY approaching, it just seems impossible to get my spring cleaning done in time. But I will try to at least get the most important things done.

I want to get back to my writing ritual. I need to train myself to write something on alternate days at the least.

I’m very disappointed to say the least.

When I go out on a date with someone, I would put my focus on spending good time together. I expect the same in return. If the person is too busy to even stop checking his phone, updates his statuses, and not being able to listen to what I say since his concentration is with the phone and not his surroundings and the people around him, then I think a date is not necessary. And because it’s not the first time and also not the first time that I actually have to say it out directly of what’s wrong..that makes it more disappointing.

When someone says he’s sincere in asking me out, I believe him. And so I thought, I would just be more forgiving. However, the following date never happened because he overslept so I arranged my own dinner plans after that.

And then I trust that he’s really being very sorry for not being to make it to dinner and so he wants to make it up for lunch today. I waited and when the time came. I knew it wasn’t going to happen. He overslept again. This must be a joke. I felt like a fool.

I sometimes wonder why is it that it can never be right just for once. Why can’t I matter to someone. Why is it people say one thing but does another. Why is it so hard to just be sincere, as in sincere with both in words and putting it into action. And if it’s so hard to even be serious about something, I don’t see why I should hang around and be an angel.

I cannot afford to be nice anymore. And I’m not nice when it really gets to my nerves. With that, I’m drawing a line because my time is worth more than just waiting around for something that I’m not sure if it’s ever going to happen.

I rest my case.

So…I’m just going to recap whatever I remember happened last year. At least those that I can remember are significant and vivid ones that are worth mentioning so I guess that’s good enough. Reason why I have to do this obligatory recap is to remind myself of what I’ve achieve and what needs to be done if I’ve not achieve what I’ve set for myself.

Here we go…in point form.

1. Had my braces removed after 3 long years. One of the best thing I’ve done and I applaud my patience because the dentist had projected that it would only take 1.5 years but the timeline doubled to 3. Nevertheless, I’m one happy lady. Sometimes I still smile to myself to admire my properly-aligned teeth.

2. Travelled to 3 new countries. Signed up a tour package and went to Taiwan with my family. Planned our own trip to New Zealand. I loved those driving moments on the roads of NZ. The only regret is that I wasn’t letting go enough when I was there because I was worrying about the logistics of the trip. When you go to NZ, you got to make sure you have lots of ample time and you got to go slow. Travelled to Australia for a business trip. Was a little lost because it was too short and too crammed and too near to flying just after getting back from New Zealand. Nonetheless, I’m still one happy lady because I just love travelling.

3. Took up Korean language. This is definitely the best thing to happen in 2011 because it made me very happy. It’s not easy but it’s challenging and fulfilling. Just learning the language makes me feel happy, I can’t explain why. Love writing those characters. Love holding a pencil and write.

4. And when I thought my previous resignation than the one before this was emotionally draining, this was worse. When I thought I couldn’t let go, I’m letting go and I’m over it faster than I thought. Despite what happened, this previous job and working place of mine is special in its own way to me. It has taught me a lot and I’ve met people with different characters in very dramatic scenes.  With that, when you enter a milder environment, it’s less taxing for the mind and soul. It’s not all bad because I also had the opportunity to meet and work with the nicest people in my working life so far.

5. New Myvi. White. 2.5 month old but already has a scratch in the front. Ouch! Can only blame myself for bad judgement of distance because I wasn’t used to the front car length. But I still think it’s an excuse because dude…I shouldn’t have been too confident. Argh! Whatever. I will treat her extra well now.

6. My hair is long now after having short hair for 3 years. It’s as long as I had my braces. And I made a statement….that once my braces are removed and my hair is long, love will come. And I’m still waiting…

7. Santa heard me this year. I didn’t want any gifts. I just wanted a problem to be resolved. This has been haunting me for 4 years. Sometimes I’m amazed I’ve not gone crazy yet. There’s a saying that says “It’s going to get worse before it gets better”…which applied to this situation I was in. The problem is not entirely and completely resolved yet but it’s definitely moving in the right direction.

And for all the above, I’m very thankful with what I have and what I had.

Whenever I feel that I have no time to do some self-learning on my own, I will always think about the 70 year old lady. Whenever I think I’m too old to start something, I will think about the 70 year old lady. Whenever I feel like giving up, I will think about the 70 year old lady. As long as I am still alive, I should always be learning.

Taking up the language has been one of the best things I’ve done for myself this year. This is the only thing that pushes me to want to be better, to want to improve myself, the more I study and learn about it, the more I discover I don’t know much about it and the more I want to know about it.

Today I would like to say thank you to the 70 year old lady. I don’t know her personally but she is already a role model to me.

Woke up and sipped water slowly. An hour later I vomited again and I know I would need to starve myself or I’ll risk throwing up again.

Woke up this morning still feeling weak. Was asking myself if I’m fit to go to work. I had wanted to but then I know I’m still not well. I reminded myself that work can wait and I must take care of my health.

Went to see the doctor and rest at home. Arranged my wardrobe and trying to make space for more clothes. Did laundry and allowed myself to watch Korean series.

It was good to just rest for a day and let the body recharge. It’s December tomorrow, we are just a month away from 2012.