I just want to say thank you for all things and blessings bestowed upon me.

I worked today on a public holiday. Working today feels like I’m working on a Friday. I think it’s really nice if we can have a break mid-week every week like today.

Had early dinner at the hawker stall. Had dessert at a new place. Bought 3 pairs of earrings. They are adorable. A hair band too, I finally get to tie my hair!!!

Bought bread at this bakery that had almost nothing left in it. It must be so good. We bought a Japanese chocolate and a butter milk loaf.

Got some toiletries and groceries.

That few hours felt like I had a holiday today summarized in 3 hours.

I just noticed that my top navigation bar is missing. This site is so lack of love, I’m to be blamed.

What I really need now is a day by a villa with a pool, I want to do just nothing and enjoy the moment.

To simulate that, I was doing some stretching exercises on the yoga mat while playing the sound of the ocean on my iPhone.

But it still doesn’t feel right.

Cher Llyod…I love her!

My mind has been occupied since Monday. Something is bugging me. Each time it re-surfaced, I pushed it back to my mind, telling myself I will deal with it later. This is a problem that has been following me for 2 years or more. I’ve never felt so helpless.

Today it got worse and while I was driving home after dinner with a friend, I didn’t feel good. I had this burning urge to make a phone call. Usually that person will not answer my call but this time I used a different number and he answered. I think he was shocked that I called and I was surprised that he answered since he has been avoiding all form of contact, phone call, SMS…for yeah…2 years or more. I’ve begged, I’ve scolded him, I’ve cursed, I’ve plead…you name it.

No one has ever done that to me.

Anyway, the problem is still not solved but I hope he means what he said. It will take some time but slowly and surely, I know this problem will be resolved. I used to be very very angry with this person. Very very mad. But when I decided to make that phone call today, I told myself I have to sound nice.

Now it’s back to bedtime stories time. I’m reading Eat.Pray.Love

This weekend will be a milestone for me. I’ll be doing things I’ve never done before. I’m excited, looking forward to it and at the same time worried. I may be scared by then, I’m not sure, I’m not scared now, but I’m amidst the feeling of uncertainty of how it will unfold that is keeping me restless.

I don’t want to be scared and I’m just going to do it!

I’m yet again addicted to another Korean series. There was a quote in the episode today that I really like, “Everything I set to do, I accomplish”

It’s late and I’m not asleep yet. I just wanted to calm myself down. It happened last night too, I’ve got so many things running through my mind, I was tired and sleepy but when I got on the bed, I just couldn’t sleep and I didn’t sleep well the whole night.

This morning I woke up, still with the many things because it won’t go away immediately, not right now. I don’t know when but I still need to keep moving. When I held on to the steering wheel this morning, I told myself, “It’s going to be a good day.” I must remind myself that no matter what happens, it’s up to me to make a choice of how I want to live my life.

I’ve been doing a lot of self-talking lately because frankly, I feel like I’m falling. I’m so reluctant to do the tasks I’ve set for myself. Simple things. A phone call away. A drive away. It feels like a chore. I’ve been procrastinating, so elegantly, crafting every possible excuses I can think of, to push it off another day. Then one day becomes so many days. And then I start to freak out and then I start doing things. And I really don’t want it to be this way.  I know no one can help me but myself.  There’s no one to pick me up but myself. And that’s why I need to write at times like these, though it won’t make sense but it helps me figure what’s going on internally.

Like now, I’m just going to pick myself up to go to the washroom and then make sure the next thing I do is sleep.

Gracie, 听话啦！说要活得健康，现在都几点了，还不要睡觉！

I’m upset that I left a scar on my toilet bowl.

I was cleaning the house today and was so eager when I cleaned the toilet bowl that I scrubbed a bit harder and a bit deeper than usual with the toilet brush. I felt something the brush scratching the toilet bowl but didn’t know what it was until I flushed and saw the paint being scraped off by the toilet brush. I put the brush too deep into the toilet bowl hole so the sides of the brush which had metal scraped the surface of it. My heart immediately sank because you know…I really love the toilet bowl. It’s a light pink toilet bowl and each time I wash it, I like to see it beaming in cleanliness. But from today onwards, it will leave a mark no matter how hard I scrub.

I know it’s not a big deal but it’s a bit of an eyesore and it will remind me forever, for as long as I’m using the toilet that there will be 2 lines….which may appear as grime, stain, if you don’t know they were actually scratched.

While I was watching TV, I still couldn’t get over it. I even thought of ways how I can save my toilet bowl. Like maybe paint it but then it’s impossible because the toilet bowl will always be filled with water. But then we can always stop the water supply to the toilet while I paint. Then I just brushed off the idea because…for God’s sake…it’s just a toilet bowl.

I hope I can get over this soon. I know. Yes. I am crazy.