I’m supposed to be writing my minutes and completing my self-appraisal form but I just cannot resist the temptation of writing this entry so I guess I won’t be able to sleep that early tonight. I don’t really like the idea of self-appraisal. Self praise is no praise plus I’m not good at praising myself. But I would still need to fork out something later.
I just feel that my appraisal won’t be that good as the mid-year review. Just look at me and you’ll know. I don’t feel like I’m a good employee lately. Just a monkey, hanging on to the branch of a tree, wanting so much to swing from one tree to another but hesitating its move to stay on the current tree where the rotten bananas are.
A few of them welcomed me back today.
I then distributed my home-made cookies discreetly because I was afraid there would not be enough to go around. As expected, the bestseller is the Chocolate cookies, which also happened to be my favourite cookie.
I’m so famous of being the silent one that when I called to a senior colleague, offering her some cookies of mine. She commented that usually I won’t be the one to approach her first. As she termed me, “Speaks only when spoken to”. Whatever. Don’t offer also cannot, offer also cannot.
I am information overloaded today. There is so much changes within a short timeframe, important emails to absorb and while I was doing my job, I’m thinking again why I’m here while at the same time, thinking how to leave and so many other things. I like to poison my minds with unnecessary thoughts. Oh well, I worry tooooo much.
So while others answered their calls at ease (at least that’s what I observed), I felt so constipated. Lost, blur and confused but trying to appear calm and cold.
What made it better was when customers were happy that I’m back.
“Siapa ni? Grace ke?”
“Eh Grace, mana kamu pergi?”
“JAUHnya!” Standard response I get when I tell people I’m from Sabah but I kind of like the attention I get. They look at you with eyes so wide, you feel like poking them. (Pardon me, I’m not that cruel, I’m just writing as the words come to me.)
“Okay, Grace, tolong saya boleh tak?”
“Boleh.” (My standard clause and is often being teased for saying too much because people want me to learn how to say no. Don’t help also cannot, help also cannot!)
“Eh, Grace, tunggu tunggu! Colleague saya nak cakap dengan kamu.”
“GRACEEEEE!! Saya rinduuuu kamu!”
She’s one of the nicest lady I’ve ever heard on the phone. Even if she doesn’t get what she wants the first time, she is always patient and sounds polite. It’s people like that that drives me forward and make me want to help them even more.
Then, I’m back to the same loop and grind.
Got to know a few new colleagues today and helped one of them when the paper got stuck in the fax machine. I like the feeling of pulling out the jammed-paper out for her just now.
Then, I got a call, inviting me for a phone interview. I’ve never experienced a phone interview before so this would be something new to me. It’s on next Tuesday after office hours. Yippie!
While I came back from the pantry carrying a mug of hot water to melt my cold cold heart, I smiled at the receptionist while I walked pass her and she waved at me, calling my name and signalling me to come over.
“Grace, lama tak jumpa. Mana kamu pergi?”
“Oh, saya balik kampung.”
“Kampung kamu kat mana?”
“Eh, jauh. Sabah mana? Sebab saya ada kawan dekat Tawau.”
“Sandakan. Tawau dekat juga lah dengan Sandakan tapi jauh juga.”
She laughed. Yeah, see what I crap lar.
Then, she whispered.
“Grace, Friday minggu depan last day saya.”
“Sebab Ms.G dah balik.” She’s a temp, you see.
“Jadi, sambung kerja mana?”
“Saudara saya carikan kerja untuk saya.”
“Keep in touch ya?”
We wrote our contact numbers and she thanked me in such a sweet smile.
She’s only 18. Sometimes, I think I relate better to people younger than me. I like to talk to them or would be seen drawn to that kind of crowd, for example, some of my sister’s friends. You won’t get a headache talking to them and you know they would never do anything to harm you.
“Sebelum kamu pergi Jumaat ni, you beritahu saya ya?”
I would of course want to say good-bye and perhaps seal the farewell with a hug.
Okay babes, it’ s back to self-appraising and minutes writing time. Argh!