Happiness Is…#12

When Monday blues are swept away when the first message you read in your mail box goes like this…

“Fantastic, Grace! Thank you so much for the hard work and effort.

You do know that I’m going to miss you a lot when you leave, right?”

That came from my boss.

I was so happy, I was staring at the monitor and re-read that two lines.

Now that I’m home and writing that two lines, I want to cry.

Actually am crying while writing this.

๐Ÿ™

3

I cried myself to sleep last night.

It was difficult to write what I wrote last night and I guess it sort of lead to the crying.

Today was fine though.

Someone from another department asked me out for lunch next week before I leave. This would be the first and last time I’m having lunch outside of the office after moving in to this new office. Am very happy to be invited since it’s also the first and the last time I’m having lunch with him.

Another colleague wants to watch a movie with me before I leave and this is also my first time watching a movie with a colleague. And hopefully not going to be the last time.

Someone is organising a farewell get-together for me and another colleague of mine. Venue and time unknown yet.

My department is giving us a farewell dinner next Monday night.

3 more working days to go.

Ring Ring

I don’t like today.

As another team was short handed, I had to fill in and cover the calls for them. I didn’t like the idea of it as it came from another manager but I couldn’t reject because my manager wasn’t in.

So, I just answered and because my access to some of the email accounts were limited, I had no chance to help to the best that I could. And when I can’t help when I know I can, I don’t feel good.

It also reminded me of my painful past. The calls that I get, talking time is longer, people like to argue more too. I didn’t have have the chance to follow-up thoroughly because that’s what I’ll do normally but the calls were simply too much to handle.

I just didn’t enjoy it. Even when people ask me if we have received their email, I couldn’t answer too because I don’t even have access to the email account. So embarassing and I didn’t know what to tell the customer.

After lunch, my boss came back and asked why our team wasn’t doing as well as we did. I just told him I had to cover up for the other team. He walked over and asked me who instructed me to do so. I just told him and he said I could continue helping them but I explained my constraints that is not helping me to help the customer. Fair enough, he allowed me to go back to resume my role in my team. It’s only then that I felt better.

Looking back, I don’t know how I have survived the really rough times when I was in my previous team. There is no time to talk to the person next to you. Even going to the toilet is difficult because you’ve got people monitoring and that they have the right to ask you to answer the queueing calls even though your water tank is about to burst and you desperately need to go to the toilet. It’s where you are afraid to move from your desk but to strictly click “Answer call” as long as it can be.

That is why I was glad about the transfer to this team of mine now where the calls are lesser and I am able to answer the calls and help the customers till the end.

At times, I don’t like the way I’m being measured where I mustn’t talk to a customer that long. Average handling time can only be 2 minutes or less. The more you answer, the more productive you are. Some of these quantitative measurements are blunt. It’s not surprisingly to see people, who can’t wait to put the phone down, to get the next call, whether or not the problem is solved. If I were to do that, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.
Some are happy and proud about hitting a high number of answered calls. But for me, I’m happy when I have helped a high number of customers. The figures don’t really matter to me even though it matters very much to people of a higher level as that is what sets the image for them. For us, we are the problem solver so naturally it’s the satisfaction derived from knowing you’ve managed to help someone that actually counts.

So at times, you see individuals that work to just hit the number of records. I can never work like that because I find it so pointless and that life becomes so meaningless. What’s the difference is there of that a telephone operator if all we cared about is the stats? I can always just answer and don’t follow through a problem to get it solved, which of course would lead to more calls since the customer will be angry and will be calling non-stop.

This has been in my heart and my head for so long already that I must write it out. And you could say one of the reason I’m quitting is because my heart just cannot continue with the way things are working now, though no one would really know this part of my story but now you do.

Some of them have been nice and very encouraging about me leaving. But a few are giving me negative responses.

Today, someone came and “strangle” me.

“You leaving?”

“Why?”

“What will you be doing?”

“Everybody who goes into IT wants to come out, you sure you want to go in?”

Yesterday, someone else asked, “Are you sure? Is it because you studied IT and therefore you want to work in that field?”

I am not 100% sure. But one of the reason of why I always want to go back is because I’ve never tried working and gaining experience in that field. It has been a year working out of that field and the desire and curiosity to know how and what it feels like can be found rummaging in my soul still. For as long as I don’t try and answer myself at the end of the day, the what-ifs will forever be there and that’ll be so sad.

I don’t want to always be talking and ranting about it without doing something about it. And so, even if my next move is not going to be a right one, to me it’s still a right one. Though people may find that leaving is an easy way out, I think leaving requires courage too. When you are out there and you do not know what happens next and what your future directions would entail.

But I guess sometimes you need some of the unwanted noises, things that you don’t like to hear because if your heart is set and that’s what you want to do and that’s what you want to go get out there, the noises becomes a pushing force.

I want to tell them I can do it.

I want to tell myself that I can.

I am young and thus I must explore.

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.