Work

From now on, I will not talk about work anymore. My last entry on work is a Private post which I just completed writing a second ago. And I hope I mean it. (It’s so hard really because working makes up most of my time.) Because I don’t think it’s safe anymore. No more dramas for now.

Read Only If You Like Rants

It’s 10:46 and no one is talking to me. And before I turn gugu, I shall write.

I just got back from dinner about 15 minutes ago and I wished I wasn’t there. I wanted to spend an evening with Pappy because he’s flying off to some place tomorrow. Not knowing that he had his friends with him, I went. And he had his drinking friends with him.

The rain didn’t help either or I could have just walked home. Too bad, I didn’t have an umbrella with me so walking home wasn’t an available option anymore. So, I had to sit from 7:30 to 10:30, without speaking a word, listening to all the beer talks. Yea, they can get very funny but more often than not, they love to argue. Pappy can be the best arguer ever and there were moments in which I had wanted to speak but if I were to speak, I don’t think my dad would be very happy because sometimes I’m not on his side. So, I didn’t say anything.

Now I feel like crying and I don’t know why.

And because I want to move on with a better day tomorrow, I want to write something that has been caged in my mind for a while now.

When you find that things are not right, would you consult or inform or discuss it with your senior at work or would you just hope it disappear in thin air because you are new and you are a super-duper junior?

I used to work in an environment where ideas are always welcomed, corrections are welcomed to be directed to your boss (who encourages it so much and would feel happy when corrected), where voices must be heard, where you must defend for yourself, where juniors bombarded me with questions and I had to answer them or find out what the answers are to the things that they asked which I don’t know, where I had to listen to what everyone has got to say, where everyone would just speak their mind. For if you don’t, you would drown.

Then, it was a short experience in another environment where people spoke their mind but very crudely. And it was so unlucky for me that the boss told me that he had been counting the days to see when I would resign. Maybe he was just joking but I didn’t like what he said. He would never hesitate to “express” his feelings when he’s annoyed or angry by saying vulgar words, in English, in Mandarin, in Cantonese, whatever suits his mood during meetings. I seriously cannot work with people like that. It’s okay if you swear in mamak stalls, I would laugh with you but not at work. A place where I wanted to voice out but was unable to because I was still new and I didn’t know how to answer when asked. Sometimes I didn’t have a choice because from what I can see, most of the people are not happy working. It’s not harmonious so I was made to listen to their grouses whether or not they know me, just as long as I stood next to their computer, trying to fix the problems they have with the computer. The next minute you bump into them again, they act like they don’t know you, never spoken to you. Shit! I HATE repairing computers and I HATE being asked why the printer IS NOT printing. I DON’T KNOW. That resignation was the best one, the best decision I’ve ever made, the most gaya one of all!

So from all of that and now I’m here in a whole new environment, it’s totally different. After moving about 3 times, I can conclude that each place has got its own working culture. For if I were only to be in one place, I wouldn’t know what cultures there are outside. Of course, there is much adapting to be done because by adapting sooner, you would be able focus better. Adapting can be both hard and easy, depending on the environment, the people and your personality.

I have to mellow down a little here which is such a big contrast with the first working environment I’ve experienced. The job is not as tough as the first one. Yeah, to my surprise because I wouldn’t need to deal with people all the time, maybe that’s why. I used to be struggling to have my voice heard since I’m not talkative nor very outspoken and I would only speak when I’m very sure of the subject matter or I feel justice is not done. And because everyone around me was so different than me, I had to try to at least speak up.

Here, applying the same thing doesn’t seem to be a wise thing to do because I know certain individuals who do not like to be corrected even though I have my correct points and that it is not encouraged to try to your ultimate best to get things working when it’s not working in the first place. Certain individuals prefer you to ask them every single question and every single step before you proceed. And because I’m the kind who would try to make things out and try to think of a way to solve problem, now I have to tell myself to act stupid. Act bodoh because then people would be happy.

Sometimes, I’m very confused you know? Of how I should really carry myself.

Whatever it is, I am still happy. Little things like that will not affect me. Maybe for a while lah, when I’m trying to adapt to it but once I get tuned to the style of different people, I will be very okay. If people want it their way, I’ll do it their way. I’m very flexible one and I think I’m the kind who will always try to accommodate others than having others accommodating me. It’s like stuck in me already because I want others to be happy, others to approve of me (yes, sometimes I want people to like me.) so it’s okay if sometimes I get hurt or sad. But of course, not too much of it, then I’d be a totally different person altogether. For as far as I can accommodate, I would do it no matter how hard.
I should be thankful to be close to what I’ve wanted to do (I’m not exactly there yet but this is good enough for now). I have a very good friend at work whom I can talk to. I learnt two Chinese words from her today. I have someone new who joined us for lunch today and I don’t know why she asked me to get her Maxis top-up card and sweets for her when I went out to tapao. But I gladly did it for her.

It’s 11:57. It took me 77 minutes to write this one piece and you would only take less than 5 minutes to read it. So not fair!

Good night and I will have a better day tomorrow. You would to! Just remember all the happy things, remember the last time someone said you are pretty, and someone wished me hello and good morning today (i don’t know him at all and he doesn’t know me. he was smoking, I just got out of the car.) and that for each struggle you face, it means you are given an opportunity to learn how to deal with different people in different situations.

Oh man, I’ve got so much more to learn.

Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and gentleman of the Class of ’97.

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together will make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there.
I know you’ve been hurting but I’ve been waiting to be there for you,
And I’ll be there just helping you our whenever I can.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasise that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.
Brother and sister together will make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there.
I know you’ve been hurting but I’ve been waiting to be there for you,
And I’ll be there just helping you our whenever I can.

Everybody’s free,
Everybody’s free to feel good.

Baz Luhrmann

Gugu

You know you’re a little bit gugu when you try to “touch n go” with your apartment access card.

You also know you’re a little bit gugu when you hope to enter to your apartment with your Touch n Go card.

It happens.

gugu is my term of saying sot sot.