Tony Roma’s

I accompanied Mummy to her friend’s house for steamboat. It was nice. There were four mothers, which includes two Chinese ladies both married to Japanese men. They can speak English, Malay, Chinese and also Japanese. Very impressive. I was the odd one out because the others were children and I was seen seated with all the mothers, listening to their stories. One of the mothers saw me for the first time last night and she said to my mum, “Your daughter is very big.”

“Guess how old she is?” Mum asked her.

“How old is she?”

“How old are you? Tell her.” Mum said to me.

So, I looked at her and told her I was 25.

She looked at me with such big eyes, very surprised.

“I thought you are a teenager.”

And suddenly, I felt like a budak-budak.

I then came home to find Pappy in the bedroom. Mummy opened the door to check if he’s fast asleep. He turned around and greeted us. He then started telling us he’s got two objectives. One is about celebrating his birthday, the other is celebrating his wedding anniversary.

Pappy sometimes wants people to read his mind. I’ve asked him several times of what he meant by celebrating his birthday as one of his objectives as all of us, as a family always celebrate birthdays every year without fail. I’m a very simple person where I’m happiest when I celebrate with my family or a small circle of people close to me. I don’t need a big birthday bash. I don’t think I’ve had one anyway.

Pappy on the other hand, loves the attention, loves the crowd so what I could actually think of is..maybe he wanted something bigger this year. He asked me if he were to celebrate it here or back in Sandakan. I told him I’m fine with both and I can always celebrate with him in advance, for example today and then he can have another celebration in Sandakan. He then asked me if I could fly back to Sandakan just for one night and then fly back to KL.

I didn’t feel like doing so, not because I don’t love him but I’ve got to work and that I think he’s here now and I was planning to buy him lunch/dinner. Of course, I do feel worried that Pappy would see me as not loving, not caring. I don’t know how to put it but there’s always this pressure where you feel you are not doing enough as a daughter. The feeling intensifies when in any day or situation where I find that they are not pleased, sometimes not entirely because of me, but because of the circumstances.

Just like today, I wanted to buy Pappy lunch.

He laughed when I said, “Pa, last night you were angry right? Today I buy you lunch ok?”

I thought it was going to be okay. He wouldn’t be angry anymore. It was almost 1pm then and Mum had earlier mentioned that she wanted to see Vince Chong and Jaclyn Victor appearing live in One Utama. Don’t ask me why but we went to watch High School Musical 2 in which Vince and Jaclyn made appearances. I asked Pappy is he was hungry and that he could wait. He said he’s fine so we went for the performance. It started 20 minutes later than scheduled and Pappy didn’t like waiting. He can be quite short-tempered at times and most of the time, he wants things quick. Yes, sometimes he can be unreasonable. I somehow knew this was going to happen.

So there comes this situation where I don’t know who to please. To stay and wait with mum till she says she’s done with watching the show or I insist that we go for lunch so that Pappy would be please but then that would mean I would make Mum not very pleased (because she said she didn’t want to eat first, she was still full.)

In the end, Pappy told me he’s going back and we could carry on. I felt bad, really.

My plan of buying him lunch has been washed down the drain. But I knew I had to make it up to him. I went to search for a birthday gift for him and vowed to myself that no matter what I’m going to buy him dinner tonight, even though his birthday is still one week away.

We had dinner at Tony Roma’s tonight. I gave him two choices, either to have Japanese or Western. I know he likes to eat something special on special occasions, although I know Mum don’t really fancy Western. Japanese is still okay with her but she prefers Chinese. Again, it’s hard to please both of them at the same time but I wanted Pappy to make a choice since I’m treating him dinner tonight and I wanted him to pick something that he’d enjoy.

Then, I was afraid that Mum would complain about the food, just in case it wasn’t to her liking. Sometimes it gets a little stressful just thinking of where to eat because everyone seem to have difference preferences. Choosing Chinese food is always the safest but then..it can also get complicated. So, I do miss the time when Iris is here and we can just go eat whatever that we like. We are not really so choosy and picky. We settle with anything as long as it is nice or at least okay to us. And we don’t have to worry if either one of us or both of us eat at a new place and find the food not tasty. We just comment about it and then forget about it once we satisfy our tummy.

Anyway, even though I’ve specified that I’m going to buy him dinner, as in the bill is mine, Pappy insisted he pays tonight and told me, “Don’t worry. It’s the thought that counts.”

Again, I felt like I’ve not done enough.

And I hope you managed to decipher this complicated (political perhaps?) entry.

I’m going to bed and hoping everyone will wake up happy tomorrow.

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