Went to Jusco supermarket today to do some groceries. Yesterday itself I felt like boiling green bean soup and also to boil corn cob + tomato + carrot + chicken soup. I was having my lunch at this favourite “chap fan” stall of mine in Dengkil one day, which always serve home-cooked soup and when I drank that corn soup, it made me so happy because I’ve not had that for a quite some time and so I decided to make that soup today.

After coming back home, I started preparing ingredients for both the soup. Green bean was easy. You only need rock sugar, water and green beans. This time, I added pandan leaves for fragrance. I told him to come if he’s free after work for some soup. He told me ABC was his favourite soup…but mine wasn’t exactly ABC since I’m using corn and not potatoes. And so I told him this soup is called EFG.

Then I felt like cooking dinner for the both of us and I did. I’m glad he came in between his work. Steamed fish and fried kangkung. It was not a disaster and I’m quite happy with my cooking. He was forbidden from the kitchen because time was running out, I had to get things done quickly as he needs to go back for a meeting, and so I cannot cook under the eyes of someone else in the kitchen. I don’t cook calmly. Maybe I’d look calm but I’m just not calm. And the fact that I’m actually cooking proper dinner for him for the first time, there is a little pressure that I gave to myself. It MUST taste good. It takes a lot of practice for me and I’ll be practising some more to fine tune and to learn more new recipes.

Mum popped me a question the other day as I was telling her my cooking experience for the past few days.

“It’s good that you learn to cook. Else, who will be cooking for your children?”

Although this is still so far away, but it’s true. I’ve always been very grateful and feeling very lucky that I have a mum that cooks for me since the day I was born and now she’s still cooking for me when she comes to visit me. She has always been trying to tell me to learn to cook but it has always fallen on deaf eyes. I believe there is always a time where you would start on something when the time comes. It isn’t that I hate to cook and it wasn’t that I didn’t know the importance of learning to cook from my mum…but I just didn’t want to do it before this.

It was after my sister came over to study with me in KL that we actually started this cooking thingy. And now that she’s studying overseas, there’s more reason for me to cook…since eating out alone can be very lonely and it is one of the reasons that has made me cook more often and actually getting serious about it and slowly liking it. I’ve also always like looking at women who can cook and work and do so many things. I think that’s very sexy and I want to be sexy too.

While some may think cooking is not so much of a hard thing to do, I think cooking involves lots of love. It doesn’t necessarily mean cooking for someone you love, though that someone that be yourself..but it’s the process of cooking where you plan and think of what to cook, you buy the ingredients, you try to cook, figuring out why it didn’t taste like how you expect it to be or if it did turn out fine, you glow in happiness…all these takes a lot of love and effort.

I know I poured my heart out steaming that fish, boiling those soups and frying that plate of kangkung.

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He told me he’s going outstation tomorrow and that’s going to be 2 weeks long. Tried to appear calm and I was okay.

He then left for work and I washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. After that I drank the green bean soup while waiting for Jewel in the Palace to show at 10:30pm. It was a nice feeling drinking the green bean soup. I’ve got some more of it so I’ll be bringing chilled green bean soup tow work tomorrow.

After watching one episode of Jewel in the Palace, I forced myself not to continue with the 2nd episode which is showing back-to-back tonight. It’s 12:24am now and I know if I did watch it, it should have ended by now. But then if I did watch it, I’ll only start writing this entry at 12:30am and I cannot do that.

I actually wanted to go to bed right after the watching one episode but then I started crying again, thinking that he’s going to be away. It isn’t my first two weeks that we won’t be seeing each other but you know somehow I’ll always end up like that. It’s like how I would always cry whenever my mum goes back to Sandakan after staying with me for a period. It is that gap between being attached to someone and being on your own again. That gap..I fear the most. But once I reached the other side of the gap, being used to doing things alone again, I’m fine.

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