The Sky is Gloomy and So Am I

It rained the whole day today.

The morning was fine but the afternoon at work was just lousy. Office network was sluggish and I almost went berserk. I had work to do and I wanted to get it done but the network wasn’t helping and then I started feeling bored because there was nothing that I can do. So, I started looking for things to do, read news online, practically every headline that I can see on The Star Online. I facebooked until I got so fed up. Played Scrabulous but I was still bored. Looked for more news to read. Read blogs. Still, the network was still shitty.

I practically counted the minutes before I can go home. And when I can go home, my colleague was in a middle of something and I had to wait for him. I waited for 40 minutes. Today is just not a day to keep me waiting. I wanted to go home to cook but I know it might not happen since I’m leaving work late.

It was raining when I drove home. Traffic jam. I drove for 1 hour and 30 minutes and for the last 30 minutes, I was in tears. I was bored, restless, angry, disappointed, you name it all. Not really because of me waiting for my colleague but it got accumulated the past few days when my calls have gone unanswered by Mr.Boyfriend.

And in fact, I told myself not to call him anymore until he does so. Do you know how lousy it feels when you call someone you love and he doesn’t answer your call and it drags on for a few days? I don’t call him like 5-6 times a day. I always limit myself to only one call per day and for the past week, only 1 call in 2-3 days. And yet, he doesn’t pick up the phone and doesn’t reply to my SMS. So, do you think it was just normal for me to get angry and moody?

I was about to reach home but it was so jammed up at the traffic lights, people cutting queue in front of me. If I had a sword, I would have throw my sword towards them.

And suddenly, he called. I didn’t want to answer because I was still angry. Then he called again and yet I still didn’t want to answer.

Then, there was an SMS but I wasn’t reading it because I was still driving.

In came another call and still, I wasn’t picking up the phone.

Angry to the point that the tears came rolling down.

I was telling myself “I’m not going to answer his call. I want to make him feel how it is like to have your call unanswered!”

“I don’t want to answer”

“Don’t want!”

“Don’t want!”

After reaching home past 8:30pm, I read his SMS in the car before getting into the house. Sprawled myself onto the bed and let the tears flow freely.

I looked at my phone and gave him a return call. So now you know how I’m being wired. Sometimes my heart just softens. Most of the time, it softens.

YET, this time he didn’t answer the call again. I actually threw my phone on the bed that I was lying on. Because I love my phone, I threw lightly lah, not like I wanted it to crush into pieces.

Back to sprawling on the bed.

He finally called again and this time I answered it.

He very much knows how I feel and so I complaint to him lor. He wasn’t having a good day either and so I just forgave him. You know sometimes all I need is just a simple SMS to update me on his whereabouts or how he’s doing. I mean maybe he’s not free to call but at least just pop in something to me lah. He doesn’t want me to worry but doing this and not letting me know anything worries me more, okay?

Anyway, everything’s back to normal now. I have voiced out my disappointment and I finally get to hear his voice. The heart says it is okay now.

I’m just tired today.

3 comments

  1. It’s not easy in situations like that especially when you’re in love. I’ve experienced it many times before with the exes and it’s painful. I remembered all the arguments that happened because of the lack of communication from his side.

    Sometimes, all it takes is a simple text message to soothe the heart, no? Stay strong πŸ™‚

    gracieq’s last blog post..A Birthday Surprise for Mum

  2. ben: I will try to. Thanks. πŸ™‚

    gracieq: Thanks, Gracie. Yup, a simple text message does wonders. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks so.

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