Declining Again

I had just finish writing a letter to again decline an offer I’ve declined before this. It was harder writing it than I thought. Kept re-reading it, wanting to make sure it sounds fine. I know I had to put this to an end or my mind will keep thinking about it. And it’s just plain selfish to hold on to someone for too long if you know you aren’t going to accept the offer.

There will be times in life where you will always remember certain quotes or lines spoken by people you meet. Keeping this quotes in your mind sometimes help to remind you of how great a person you can be no matter how small you think you are.

Interviews are scary sessions but I think I’m beginning to conquer it a little. Maybe because I was feeling so nervous about it that I’ve totally gone immuned about it. And I know being nervous certainly wouldn’t help to make me do well so I try to act cool.

I’ve also learnt my lesson during my job hunt this time around. I will never again apply for something which is totally out of my preferred location. Well, if it’s a super ultimate dream job, then maybe it can be put into consideration. I will never simply apply to any jobs, by just thinking I think it should be okay with me. I must think of what I really want to do. Unless of course, you are a fresh graduate, then you cannot be too choosy. But I still think your first job can be very important in determining your next path.

IT field is so broad that it gives you lots of various job functions which is good but it’s also bad…well for me because I get confused of what I really want to do. I cannot say that I’m 100% sure of what I really want to do..because I think I am greedy. I wish to do so many things, except a few that is already in my banned list. I’m still fresh as in I’ve not garnered enough skills to market myself confidently. I really hope a few years down the road, I’ll be able to change that.

One painful thing that I’ve learnt all this while is that sometimes you get to bump into a dream job of yours where the working environment fits you, you think you’ll love doing the job, you know you’ll learn a bundle, you just know it’s so right and you hope so very much and pray a hell lot that you’ll get the job then you begin to doubt if you had excel in the interview and why it’s taking so long to get a reply and then you realise you just didn’t nail it and the job offer goes to someone else. It is like shit I would say but a fact of life.  Sometimes you don’t often get what you really want even if you dyingly want it.

I just met a very caring HR personnel yesterday. So motherly that she asked me if I was okay..and if I was fine for a few times. Maybe I didn’t look fine to her. Would love to continue to tell you about my story yesterday but it’s time to sleep. For the past few days, I have not been able to focus on my work totally. It’s hard when you get phone calls then your mind begins to think and think and think. You feel this and then you feel that.

So much so that I’ve decided that if I don’t receive any good news this week or the next. I’m going to take a break from this job-hunting process and then start again when I’m refreshed and energised again. It doesn’t mean that I’m giving up but I just need a tiny short break so that I can walk a longer journey.

Good night and hold your blanket tight.