Someone commented that I’m quiet. Very quiet. I think this is the 3rd time though not coming from the same person for 3 times.
This has been the ultimate problem of mine. Maybe it’s not a problem, more to a character or by nature. I have tried to be a little noisier than my usual self. It is not easy, it is not very hard also..but it just feels like I’m moving a small mountain. It’s not that I’m unwilling to speak more but …I also don’t know how to explain. When annoyed or agitated or you just happen to bring up something which I feel strongly about, something I’m excited about, I can talk non-stop but so far, not everyone has been able to witness that side of me. So I think I have two faces too. One for those I’m not close with. One for those I trust my life with to tell them the silliest of things or truly bare my naked soul with the tiniest problems I have.
Have been smiling to people that I’ve meet whether or not I know their name or they know mine. That’s the minimum one should do. I’ve been initiating conversation also by asking someone their name if I don’t know her/him. Even though the conversation is short but it’s better than not starting anywhere at all, right?
When it comes to small talk, I suck at it.
Maybe I gave the impression that I talk a lot or I’m talkative, but when you are in a job interview, the last thing you want to do is keep quiet!
Maybe I still miss the old gang and maybe I should give it some time. I may be slow in warming up to the others but I’m trying. Though I may not look like I’m trying but trust me, I’m trying really hard. I wasn’t like this before, as in, last time I often wait for others to approach me before I step out of my shell. Now, I’m trying to make the move whenever I have the chance to.
I don’t know ler. Sometimes when people comment that I’m quiet, I’ll go crazy like now. Talking nonsense to myself. Maybe I care a lot of how people look at me, to the extend that I feel that if one were to comment that I’m quiet, I feel that something is wrong with me. I like to be among people, though not necessarily you’ll hear me talking all the time. I just like to be in the crowd. I like to squeeze in the crowd, concerts, pasar malam, a packed shopping mall. But sometimes I just enjoy the peaceful self in that crowd.
Gracie, I know you are trying and I know you’ll do just fine. It may require some time before you feel really comfortable to be here and for others to understand the real you. Maybe you don’t have to make it mandatory for everyone to like you because that’s just not going to happen, even though I know you are one such kind. You always try to make people to like you. But be aware also that there might be just some that you won’t be able to click along 100% well with. That’s why we have radio stations playing different kinds of tunes…to suit the many people with different tastes and likes. Also know that you may or may not get to find a colleague whom you’ll called a friend, a close friend like how you did the last time. You were just plain lucky and still lucky to be able to still be in touch with her. Understand that you are now in a new environment, this isn’t your first time being in a new environment. Remember that you used to find it difficult to fit in, to talk to the different people from all walks of life, from the chic the same age as you, to someone older than you and to someone much older than you, trying to figure what makes them tick, what doesn’t…but it’s a journey you’d have to go through and you’re going to be fine, okay?
Gracie, I love you and may the courage be with you!