Sudden Tinge of Emo

One thing’s for sure. I don’t think I’ll be buying books anymore. Was at the MPH Warehouse Sales and bought 7 books. Before that I was at Times Bookstore Warehouse Sales and bought 3 books. Was also at Borders Sales but I didn’t get anything because nothing interest me.

Another financially tight month. 2 return flight tickets booked for next Chinese New Year and some other stuff which I do not wish to list down because it will only pain me.

Watched Wall-E at GSC Signature, The Gardens today, courtesy of a friend of mine. Had lunch at Sushi Zanmai, also courtesy of a friend of mine. Got my vacuum cleaner hose fixed, courtesy of the same friend of mine. This would mean I can save up a few hundred bucks for something else.

I was thinking of going to the pasar malam to get dinner but then finally settled to go to the nearest mini market to get some vegetables and eggs. I’m making myself dinner because I didn’t want to spend further. Had stir fried choy sum with chicken. It’s nice to get back to the kitchen again. I don’t remember the last time I fried a vegetable dish.

I feel that I have a handful to complete this month, that is why a long weekend was much needed. Stayed home the whole Saturday until I couldn’t restrict myself anymore and had to go to the MPH Warehouse Sales. Been doing some thinking but I don’t think it’s doing me any good.

Called him and there was no answer. And while I listened to the ringing tone at the other end, tears started to stream down again. Not the sobbing kind, just tears to express whatever’s inside. I’ll try again. I’ve got no choice but to be patient yet again. Dear God, can you please let him talk to me just once? It is one of the things that bugs and haunt me from time to time. Whenever the mind flashes  back to this and reminds me of it, I just don’t know what to do to solve this. Maybe it takes a little more time. Always thinking that this is hard on me but I’m really trying to  live like I cannot be bothered with this problem that has been plagueing me for months now. I hope I’ll be able to write about it one day when the problem is settled. For now, i got to keep this burden to myself.

I’m starting to think that my spending habits may have got to do with with the lousy relationship…or the yearn for a proper one.  Sometimes I don’t really know what I want. Always in doubt and uncertain. It’s like I’m spending to fill the missing pieces of my heart.

This entry is not clearly written as I wanted it to be. I don’t know how to untie the complicated knot that I’m feeling now and to put it into words. Only knowing that I got to get it out of my system before I go to bed with laundry still left unhang at 1:33am.

To summarise it all, I’d say it isn’t too bad a day, minus the part when I cried a little, which I’ve managed to keep a cool about it for 2 months before ending up bursting a little today. I’m lucky that I have not even gone crazy yet.

Thank you for making my day. You know who you are, who went to me to the movies today. Telling me that this is the 2nd time you’re watching the movie. There really isn’t a need to watch it for the 2nd time just because I said I wanted to watch it. But I appreciated it very much.

Somehow Wall-E reminds me of myself. The cockroach pet that he has reminds me of the Ducky that I have. It’s a pest to the others while Ducky might be seen as unneccesarry or a junk but Ducky means very much to me and I can’t really figure out why I can be so attached to a thing..so what more when it comes to a person? Staying alone in a deserted city, Wall-E was doing what he was supposed to, working to clear off the trash on Earth while at the same time longing for love. And finally Eve came along. Wall-E tried very hard just to get that holding hand moment, went to great lengths to stick to something he is so determined to do, which he got at the very end. It is a very heart warming movie even though it was almost like a non-dialogue movie but manages to deliver the message very well.

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2 comments

  1. decisions are always hard… but once you’ve got used to making hard decisions… it’s going to be simpler as you will know what you want my dearest… when you started walking… you had to take a step at a time and still fall while getting support from everywhere… life is a journey of long list of decisions… be it practical decisions or be it emotional decisions… at the end of the day, life is short… why not move on ASAP?

    your friend knows that even if it’s the 2nd time or the 100th time, it doesn’t matter as your friend understands you a lot more… knowing that you would like to do things you like to do and your friend would like to accompany you to do things you like together… it’s a happy day rite?

    how i wished that it’s something you and your friend can do a lot more often, then it’s not going to be a single person in a deserted city anymore, it would have more meanings to it and someone would bug you less :d

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