I’m back to KL from Kota Kinabalu.
Received an SMS from Pappy while I was having dinner, telling me he’s listening to music at the hotel lounge alone. Somehow this stung my heart. Tears welled up in my eyes just like that. Maybe Pappy is not lonely but enjoying his private time by himself…but I can’t help to feel that he’s lonely..after what has happened the night before.
The main reason why I flew to KK was because I wanted to spend time with my parents and at the same time celebrate their wedding anniversary with them. I expected a simple and quiet dinner..just the 3 of us. Mummy expected the same too but it turned out to be bigger than just the 3 of us and with that, Mummy got very mad and the cold war thing started and I must say I’m very stressed out.
I wasn’t happy seeing the both of them not happy. I couldn’t be on either side even though I seemed and appear to be swaying to Mum’s side more but there is a reason to it because Mummy needs someone to tell or remind her ot pacify her about why Pappy is doing this. Really..it’s not that bad. It’s just two people having different views…and I was just trying to narrow that gap. I don’t know if Pappy was okay. He looked composed and even if he’s downright sad, you wont be able to trace it from his face. Maybe he’s strong but I can’t help but to feel he’s bleeding inside. So much so that after the dinner, I went up to him, hold and hug him then give him a kiss. So many things I wanted to tell him, about how great the dinner was, how romantic of him to ask the band to sing, the karaoke and the cake…and most of all, the thought of celebrating their love and wanting friends of his to witness it. Mummy didn’t want all that.
So you see….very susah isn’t it?
I felt like crap and I’m still feeling very sad and pitiful for Pappy that after I came back to KL, I was still feeling very much that way until the SMS from Pappy came that triggered me further to write an email to Pappy to tell him how I feel and give him a whole picture of the whole thing that just happened. I just wanted him to know his efforts are very much appreciated and that Mummy may not seem like she’s happy but I know deep down inside or maybe few days or years to come, she’ll remember this night.
One of the reason why I think my dad is the greatest is because he places special occasions like this in a very important place in his heart. And even when he knows mum might not approve of having it big, he still wants to do it. I tell you, both of them are so stubborn that I feel like shouting to both of them to listen to me.
I may not have enjoyed my trip to KK entirely. There were some good times minus the cold war between my parents that i got stuck in. Good food. No picturesque sunset though..because it was gloomy all the days when i was in KK when evening comes. Cloudy and rainy. Idiotic girl on the plane, being ignorant of switching off her mobile phone when in the air craft. You know how I hate this kind of people. Instructions given, repeated so many times by the air stewardess on the PA and yet acts dumb and ignorant. I know she knows it’s not allowed because she was hiding and trying to text with her mobile phone. Really bloody idiot lor. Even when the plane was about to take off, she can still answer one call. I almost wanted to vomit blood. Until my mum told her off asking her if she knows mobile phones are not allowed to switch on in the plane. She stared at my mum and said, “I KNOW” like my mum owe her 1 million bucks. Bloody hell!
Back to story..
But I’ve come to learnt that no matter how sunny a relationship/marriage is, there will always be rainy days, if not thunderstorm! Marriage is harder to maintain because you are not allowed to give up easily. Sometimes I’ll wonder how Pappy put up with Mummy and how Mummy puts up with Pappy. Even though the dinner was kind of a disaster ..not physically but rather emotionally, I know things will move on and tomorrow will be another day. Mummy will stop getting mad over Pappy…even though I know the next time she gets mad over him will come again very soon..she gets mad over the same few things about Pappy…which isn’t going to change no matter how many times she’ll get angry about it. And even when Pappy knows she’s not happy about that, he’ll continue to do the same. Maybe rectify some things here and there but his personality will always be his personality. Some things can be changed..some things cannot. It’s like it’s in your roots.
This is a detox entry of mine. Cried before writing this because I was already crying when I was composing an email to Pappy, followed by this and I’m so tired now. Need to go to work tomorrow, probably to save someone’s day.
Mummy flew back with me so aku dah stress dah. She is acting like a volcano lately, when pushed the wrong button, will explode. me hav to be veli carefool.