It is a Happy Happy Day!

So happy that I was dancing while showering. Then I was jumping in the living room. Next I was holding on to my bath towel and giggle to myself.

I will tell you why I’m happy when the time is right, ok?

I am just so, very, sangat, sungguh, teramat, absolutely, certainly, definitely, thankful today!

幸福是要争取的

I am hard to read.

That is why I need to write so that it’s easier to read myself.

I may be interpreted this way today.

And I may be interpreted a different way yesterday.

Tomorrow you may find that the interpretation you have about me is different than what you’ve come to know today and yesterday.

I can be very happy today.

I can be very sad tomorrow.

I may sound like I’m positive but I’m just scared deep down inside, but just writing positively in hope that it would help to overcome the fear.

I may sound like I’m crazy and I’m really crazy.

Whenever I read something inspiring or watch something inspiring, I’m reminded that my grind at work is really nothing to compared to.

But when I’m at work and I read stories about people dying from overworking, it becomes not very inspiring anymore.

I’ve always had this dream I would like to pursue. It’s not that hard, really. But whenever I’m about to kick-start myself to delve in it, I will then present myself with all the fears that is not true unless proven right. It is so bad, it has been going on for years. I guess I’m just afraid to fail. So I’d rather choose to do something else…and even if I fail, I won’t feel so bad.

But watching a movie 2 days ago made me realise maybe I should just listen to my heart and ignore what my head has got to tell me. Please go watch “Look For a Star” starring Andy Lau and Shu Qi. Nothing at all related to the dream I want to pursue..I’m just merely borrowing the concept. I find it meaningful and very real. Gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling at the end of the movie. I’m just thinking you will definitely like it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Just 2 days ago, Iris finally got her working visa after 4 months of gruelling wait. So I told Iris and Mummy that my prayers finally paid off. I prayed about it while I was in the temple in Sandakan, then at the temple in Jenjarom. I also placed a floating candle at the wishing pond too and wished for the same thing.

Mummy then asked, “Did you pray that you’ll find Mr.Right soon?”

“I forgot about that.”

Are you the type who prays for others before praying for yourself? Or are you the type that prays for solely yourself?

I always find myself praying for other people first, my family, my friends, before praying for myself so by the time I come to myself, I would have missed out some important stuff. Maybe I should write down a list. 🙂

Instead of having a guy date me, (like as though I have one), I went for my monthly visit to the dentist today. I was expecting for tooth extraction as what I’ve been told during my last visit even though I wasn’t really prepared today. When he replaced with yet a harder archwire, I knew no teeth will be extracted today and then I was given an explanation of what’s going to happen on my next visit.

I’d have to extract 4 teeth. yea, 4. Two on the upper jaw. Two on the lower jaw. That was still okay even though I already wanted to faint. I have a tooth that is protuding outwards and below that tooth there is no tooth to support it when I bite. One thing I must tell you is never to mess with your wisdom tooth and never ever sacrifice your molar just to get your wisdom tooth out, like what happened to me many years ago. Each time I see that gap of the missing molar which shouldn’t have given way so that the wisdom tooth behind of it can be extracted always struck a very sad chord in me. I hate the dentist who did it to me too.

Anyway…what my current dentist suggests to do with that tooth is to have a screw to support it to level it up, make it less protuding. And once it’s levelled back to go inward, it means that tooth will be biting down towards the gap at the bottom..so in order to support that, I might need a mini implant. Upon hearing this, my mind kind of cannot work for quite some time. I came home walking from the dentist thinking very hardly about my teeth.

Maybe it sounds scary but it’s not? I mean the dentist say it like it’s no big deal. haha.

Whatever it is, I’m going to go with the 2 teeth extraction of the upper jaw then we’ll see how it goes from there lor. I’ve had the worst dental surgery many years ago to remove my wisdom tooth so I think this normal extraction of teeth shouldn’t be something to worry about. And I mean, there’s really no use worrying because this is the path I chose to walk down and I’d have to be brave to face it.

Have also cancelled to go out with my girlfriend today because of my numbing teeth. Happy Valentine’s Day anyway!

Post CNY

I have turned into a cleaning machine and a very cruel-hearted garbage collector.

You don’t normally see me cleaning during weekdays because my mind will always tell me weekdays are shorter in hours and cleaning takes up longer hours. But today is exception. I actually packed a few more bags of clothes to be given away (some have followed me through thick and thin for 10 years and it’s time to say goodbye, because I’ve grown and the clothes have shrink or that if I put on that tee that fits a 17-year old on a 27-year old, it’s just plain weird)

Changed the bedsheets. Changed the mattress from the middle room to my room. So bloody heavy but I managed it anyway. The old mattress will have a butt mark every morning I wake up. It will sink according to the shape of my butt so it’s time to change to a thicker and harder mattress to support my ever-growing butt.

These are just behind the scenes cleaning/tidying because the whole house is still filthy. I only need to take a few steps around the house to gather my feet with dust. It’s bad I don’t know how I’m going to face my mum when she comes over day after tomorrow to visit my grandpa who is sick and refuses to eat. I will do whatever I can tomorrow.

Cooked these 2 days. It’s kinda lousy tasting but I’m going to fine tune it.

Watched The Oprah Winfrey Show these 2 nights also instead of the usual 8-o-clock news. I think I’m just sick of politics for now and would just like to watch something inspiring and enlightening. I always learn something after every episode of Oprah Winfrey. If you want to know what’s one of my favourite TV shows..it’s OPRAH!

I left work early..as in slightly a few minutes after office hours and I’m proud of that. I mean I can linger and stay but I will feel shitty when I come home. So it’s better to come home early while I still can and just live my life.