My First ABC in 2009

Love without talking.You’ve got to watch this!

Today is the first time in Year 2009 that I’m boiling soup for myself. I figured I must treat myself better because I’ve been eating junk lately. It’s either I don’t eat a proper meal or skip meals because thinking of what to eat has become a chore. It’s hard when you are eating alone but I don’t want that to be my excuse. So today I die die also forced and made myself to boil soup. ABC soup. One of the easiest and one of my favourite.

There are just days when it’s just so hard to motivate yourself. I find it particularly harder lately. I don’t know where has my enthusiasm gone to. I need to find it back. What I do now everyday is to dig deep within myself so that I can get that little optimism to live the day. I think I’m still not cured for whatever that happened from the past weeks. I know I can live better than this.

I made a wishlist today because I’ve been having many thoughts for the past few days which I want to put into action or want to see it unfold. Listing it down helps to give me a clear overview and how I can work into getting it done. It’s already half of 2009 and if I don’t do something substantial, 2009 is going to just slip by and it’s going to be another year wasted.

I want to at least achieve something in 2009. You go girl!

Things I’ve Learnt

1. You will never have it all. Not that I don’t know this already. You may have a job you dislike, but you have a understanding boss. You may have a job you like, but your superior is someone you find it hard to work with.

2. Sometimes your job expectation will change overtime…I’ve learnt that you should not believe 100% of what your employer tells/promises you when you take up the job.

3. I may suddenly take that leap of faith when I get sick of the corporate life, get married, further studies or start a business.

4. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Love will find its way.

5. You will come across gossips and rumours about a person and you have a choice to believe what you hear entirely or choose to judge the person based on your interaction and dealing with that person to have a judgement of your own .. of what kind of a person he is. The thing is that…your friends or colleagues may hate a particular person even though he/she has done no harm to you.

6. Always listen to both sides of stories because it’s only natural for a person to defend oneself even when they are at fault and sometimes the person doesn’t realise he/she is at fault and puts the blame on the other party.

7. There are many vicious people in this world. They may be smiling at you and appear friendly but you wouldn’t know what goes behind closed doors.

8. Therefore, try to protect yourself in whatever way you can, watch your words, keep a distance and look out for traps.

9. No matter how cruel or unfair the world may be, continue to be kind.

Wisdom Tooth

My gum was painful after I had lunch yesterday and it is quite annoying that I didn’t feel like talking. It got worse during dinner time so I only settled for porridge. Opening my mouth and swallowing was painful too because the gum got swollen. Checked out my gum and I can see some white surface appearing above the gum….it’s my new wisdom tooth.

Of all times, it has to appear now, especially when I have my braces on so I’m not quite sure if that’s good news or bad news. If it grows out well, I think it should be fine but if it doesn’t it may have to be removed and removing wisdom tooth is more torturing than putting on braces.

Yesterday wasn’t quite my day. As I was hanging on and holding on to myself to be positive and cheerful despite the many things that I wasn’t pleased with, it finally came to a stage where I felt like crying. I woke up and I felt like crying. It got worse when I went to work, the tears were already forming and so I had to excuse myself to calm down in the toilet.

In some way, I know there are things which we don’t like to do but we are required to do it anyway. So, I’m talking myself into just doing it and see the big picture. I think I can do this.

What a Month!

July. My birth month…has always been my favourite month because I would think July will bring good things. And if the months before that was not very good for me, I’ll give myself some encouragement and I’ll tell myself, July is going to do great things for me.

As I grow older, July tend to get a little more complicated. Maybe it’s the same or there’s nothing particularly special as compared to the other months but because I’ve always put emphasis on July…so I tend to be more aware of what is happening during the month.

This July is a very exciting month for me. Be it at work, at home, personal or business. Today for example, it dawned on me that I’m learning a lot in a span of a few months as compared to before. I’m grateful for what I have now even though sometimes I’m not happy. As always, after each incident, I’ll always ponder over it and I will question the reason to it, on why it’s happening. Sometimes I have my own analysis and I kinda talk myself into believing that ..that is the particular reason of why certain things happen and accepting that it is already fact and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. Sometimes I still don’t get the answer and figured..maybe, just maybe, I’ll get it the next time..

Whatever it is, life goes on and I think for as long as you’ve tried your best to live life, to do the right things based on your own call and judgement given the time, resources, situation and circumstances, it’s good enough. I think life gets more challenging as I grow older..some friends share the same sentiments too. I think I’ll call it “life after 25 and before 30”.

Had lunch with a friend who hails from the same hometown as me. We only meet once a year during Chinese New Year even though we’ve been working here for a few years. This is actually our first time meeting in KL after so long. It was nice to see him again and I just like catching up on stories and sharing life experiences with a friend you’ve not met for a long time, not very close with yet you can strike a decent and meaningful conversation. I enjoy rich conversation. You learn things from others, strike a chord in you if it’s the stories are similar and close to your heart. Then at least, you’ll feel normal that sometimes we go through certain phases in life…and we shouldn’t despair. There’s always a lesson that we can learn from the experiences we go through.

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.

– Oprah Winfrey