Spent the weekend with a girlfriend. I am just glad that I have a friend like her. It is comforting to know that I’ve got other friends to count on…when I know I’ve lost one. I’ve never experienced treating a friend like a true friend, to do no harm or have any ill attention but somehow in the end, someone you call a friend can just choose to break a friendship like that.
When a guy does this to me when a relationship has turned sour, I can fully comprehend because I know love can turn into hatred. But never in my mind would I think friendship can end up that way too. It feels weird and I don’t quite know how to describe the feeling. It’s all jumbled up and I’m trying to keep myself calm and collected. Tonight I just want to write it out and hopefully I’ll let this chapter pass. It’s not the kind of things I’d like to go through but I’ll take it as an experience…that sometimes this world can be a little cruel. I don’t want to hang on to this for too long even though everyday I’m reminded of this. I’ve been affected by this for too long. I need to see beyond this and learn how to go through this.
I’m the kind that don’t normally feel comfortable to bare it all to just anyone. So when I see the connection and I trust my own instincts that I can trust and count on a person, you will see a different side of me. I may appear cold or cool when you don’t know me…but I can jump around like a clown if I want to let you see that side of me. I don’t have to do that on purpose…I’d be like that when I’m with friends that I’m comfortable with. And to learn that I’d have to do things differently to a person to protect my heart and to stop being victimised and taken advantage of, I feel sad.
It’s a bit like learning my first love didn’t last. You have this very pure, very innocent, very ideal thought that you want your first love to be the first and to be the last …but one day it comes tumbling down and then reality sets in and hits you…you know you have to get real. What you think you want it to be..just doesn’t always materialise. And people change..they do.
Sometimes I do wonder if all these heartbreaks are turning me nuts.
Gracie, look at the bright side.
Tomorrow when the sun shines and lits up your room, look towards it.
Put on that peach colour shirt tomorrow and rock the world. Just remember that you can still be an awesome friend and don’t lose hope.