“To acquire love…
fill yourself up with it until you become a magnet.”
– Charles Haanel
A few months ago, I wished I had more things to do. A few months later, I have so much to do. I like it that I’m busy because I want to go to bed and then wake up, looking forward to start the day and get my work done.
I got a call from a headhunter last weekend. It has been for the same company but different headhunters calling me over the span of one year or more. The last I counted, it was 3. I don’t have the things they want to begin with so I’m not very sure how they are matching theÂ skill setsÂ that I have (which I think isn’t very impressive and can be further polished) with what the job requires. Just reading the job description makes me wonder how I”m going to pull off such a big task…and it’s really not my thing to work as a programmer. I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time so it’s a no.
I like being where I am now. The longer I stay, the harder it is I feel like letting go. It’s not perfect…not like it would be…but it’s perfect enough for me now.
I like my hair. The length that I like. My fringe has grown longer too and I’m sweeping it to the side. Not sure if I should keep it shorter and have a fringe covering my forehead or something swept to the side, revealing a bit of my forehead. I’m looking myself at the mirror longer than I used to. I like this too because it means I’m finally in love with myself again.
I will be working late this whole week, probably the next as well. I like the peace and silence of the workplace once most of them have left. It’s me, my laptop and today I felt like listening to songs. Songs from IRIS OST. The next one I have for you is an instrumental piece and I think it’s very lovely. Makes me feel like playing the piano.
I’m actually feeling better. Not as negative as I was the past few weeks. Like I said I didn’t feel like talking at all but I’m slowly opening up myself again. I’m going to put the things that bother me behind. It’s when you’re alone and you feel like you’re not lonely that brings the good out of you. I like it that I can handle this pretty well at times.
It’s okay if my love is not here yet. I don’t want to keep thinking about it as well. It was bad the last time but I know it would be fantastic the next time. My friend told me I always look sad and then it scares people away, at least she thought it wouldn’t make her want to approach me. I think she’s right. I’ve been putting on my sad face…sometimes not sad but you can sense the sadness below it. Don’t say about the others…I know what my face shows because I know how I feel.
It’s okay and it’s necessary and it’s right to look sad when you really really feel sad..when you have a reason to be sad. But I don’t have any particular reason to be sad. I’m fine. So…it’s very very wrong to look sad when you’re not sad at all because…that’s really is sad.
So…really…I don’t know why I’m showing the world that sad face. I can turn it to a pretty one…a very pretty one by just you know..remove the sadness, smile a bit when you walk, be in touch with others…and not create a bubble to withdraw yourself from the world. I think I’ve been feeling all bad and sad in whatever way I want and I think it’s enough.
Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.
– Albert Einstein
There is just something not right about not putting my words here before I sleep. It’s late but I can’t help it. It’s as if I amÂ suppressingÂ my thoughts if I don’t and I know what I put off today won’t be the same tomorrow. I wrote one last night and then I got too sleepy…and it will be a draft until I decide to publish it.
I have a dream. I have always been thinking about this dream. It seemed easy but it’s not. I like the fact that it’s difficult. I like the fact that I don’t know anything about it, how to go about it so I’m like a blank canvas. It’s up to me to colour it and I can either choose to paint a little of it and quit or I can paint it the most beautiful way as I possibly can.
Sometimes I get frustrated that I don’t get to paint it as much as I would love to. Sometimes life doesn’t let you focus 100% on the things you want. I do not want to get angry or disheartened with the fact that it would take up a longer time than I thought it would. I don’t want to give up just because it’s not materialising fast. I don’t want a half-hearted piece of work. I want to give it my all.
I visualise and dream about how my canvas would be like. I dreamt about how beautiful it would be and I still think it would be even though I don’t really know how I’m going to do that. I just figured, each time I’m lost at something, I’ll just need to learn and resolve it, get back on track and progress again. What’s so hard about that?
What thrills me is that…this is just the beginning. The journey will be long but I’m all excited about it.
It’s back to myself again. I have more time to myself now…for now..so I better make full use of it.
My only entertainment when I come home everyday now…for now until my favourite Korean series ends…is to sit on the sofa and enjoy watching television. Mummy was very happy with this because I wasn’t sitting in front of the PC. Oh well, but today I sat in front watching both PC and the TV because I have very important work to do.
I’ve been listening to Kim Tae Woo’s “Dreaming Dream”, one of the songs from IRIS soundtrack. I like both main and ballad version. Ballad version is very soothing and I’ve been repeating it for weeks.
I feel like staying home this weekend, like really stick to the house, enjoying every inch of it. I spent the last weekend walking in the shopping mall. Walked for 2 days in search of a cheongsam which Mummy wanted to get. We finally found out that suits her in terms of size, price, design and material. I thought it was a good buy and I felt so relieved after getting it because it made her happy.
Why does a guy hints to you he’s interested but acts otherwise? And then I thought, if he’s really into you, nothing can stop him from pursuing you. Why must I be thinking and coming out with possibilities or reasons of why he’s acting so? I’ve done that enough in the past, building clouds of pictures of possibilities to guard the impression and image I have for that person…but really, it means nothing.