This weekend will be a milestone for me. I’ll be doing things I’ve never done before. I’m excited, looking forward to it and at the same time worried. I may be scared by then, I’m not sure, I’m not scared now, but I’m amidst the feeling of uncertainty of how it will unfold that is keeping me restless.
I don’t want to be scared and I’m just going to do it!
I’m yet again addicted to another Korean series. There was a quote in the episode today that I really like, “Everything I set to do, I accomplish”
It’s late and I’m not asleep yet. I just wanted to calm myself down. It happened last night too, I’ve got so many things running through my mind, I was tired and sleepy but when I got on the bed, I just couldn’t sleep and I didn’t sleep well the whole night.
This morning I woke up, still with the many things because it won’t go away immediately, not right now. I don’t know when but I still need to keep moving. When I held on to the steering wheel this morning, I told myself, “It’s going to be a good day.” I must remind myself that no matter what happens, it’s up to me to make a choice of how I want to live my life.
I’ve been doing a lot of self-talking lately because frankly, I feel like I’m falling. I’m so reluctant to do the tasks I’ve set for myself. Simple things. A phone call away. A drive away. It feels like a chore. I’ve been procrastinating, so elegantly, crafting every possible excuses I can think of, to push it off another day. Then one day becomes so many days. And then I start to freak out and then I start doing things. And I really don’t want it to be this way. I know no one can help me but myself. There’s no one to pick me up but myself. And that’s why I need to write at times like these, though it won’t make sense but it helps me figure what’s going on internally.
Like now, I’m just going to pick myself up to go to the washroom and then make sure the next thing I do is sleep.