And Then There’s Light!

The bathroom light decided to die on me. It’s been about 2 weeks already and I didn’t get a new tube light until tonight. I paid and asked if the guy at the cashier can help me test if it’s working. He pretended or didn’t seem to hear me at first so I repeated and he still showed no sign like I exist. I asked for the third time and he told me the light has been tested, it works fine. Pissed because I just felt that he was lazy. I had no interest of picking an argument so I came home and changed the tube light. It worked so I was not so pissed anymore.

This scenario here reflects me in some way. Sometimes when I get into a problem, I tend to let it sit and grow. It’s like there’s something that’s holding me back. That something…is me. My heart. My mind. I have this ability to talk myself into fear. I waver. I think too much.

I could have got the new tube light a day after the bathroom light stopped working but I waited so long till I get it replaced.

Of course, I have another situation bigger than a dead bathroom light and the problem has grown so big, I don’t know what comes next. I’m telling myself I’m ready for anything that may come my way. I’ve not been in this situation before so it’s only normal I’m scared. But being scared isn’t going to help me solve it. Being afraid only makes me stay put at the same spot and that only frightens me more.

I have been taking baby steps of courage to get out of it but I don’t think it’s good enough. I need to take a bigger step no matter how scared or timid I am now. Tomorrow I’m going to do just that. I definitely hope for the best but I need to be ready for the worst.

I really wished I could tell you what it’s all about but I’m so embarrassed to actually write it out here. I’m just ashamed of my foolishness, silliness, trusting-people-too-easilyness, naiveness. I think I can only spit out once I really get this solved. It’s not something that will be solved overnight but I want to be on the path of making it right and putting an end to it.

Gracie, you can do this! Be brave!

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