I woke up this morning before 6am even though it’s a weekend. My biological clock is tuned to waking up very early now irregardless of the time I go to bed.
Woke up with a long to-do list in my head and reflecting on the day before. I would need to get used to this and manage the clutter in my head.
I’m practicing mindfulness where if I’m eating, I make sure I’m eating and I’m enjoying the food instead of eating and thinking of God knows what. When I’m reading a book, I got to focus and enjoy reading instead of reading the same few lines over and over again because the mind is drifted elsewhere while you are still reading the same lines. Sometimes I even find myself reading few pages, reading just words but it doesn’t really absorb into the brain because the mind is auto-running some program in the background.
I’m learning to detect all this drifting away point so that I can shout a hello to myself silently and get back to where I need to focus. I’m capable of thinking of so many things at one time and I don’t think it’s a very good skill for me because it at times immobilize me. But because this is how I’m wired, I would need to allow myself time to do all the thinking that I want but once the thinking time block is up, I need to tell myself it’s time to work on it instead of thinking about it. Else, I’ll be thinking the whole day and drive myself crazy.
Everyday and more so recently, I’m learning more about myself because I don’t want to fight with myself anymore and I’m focusing on myself more. At times, I focus on people around me too much that I forget about myself. The worse is when you think you are focusing on others but you’re really not because there are issues within you that is not fixed. A mind that is screaming out to you it needs a break but you ignore it and continue because you feel you can’t stop worrying and it’ll be selfish. That’s when things starts to get overwhelmed.
Ironically, I know once I focus on taking care of myself, I can focus on taking care of others better too. It sort of turned out that way on a fine day last week and I know I can have many days like that if only I start to focus, take care and love myself.
It’s when I feel totally crappy that the world that revolves around me is crappy too. I need to start feeling good and have the goodness surround me.