About Everything

Came to work, parked the car, got out of the car and found a white+black cat standing behind a car, two cars away from mine. The first thing that came to my mind was…the cat shares the same colour as me. I was wearing a black skirt with a white+black stripe long-sleeve shirt. You can call me Zebra if you ever see me wear that.

Then, we went out for lunch and the cat was still there, licking its fur.

Had lunch at Old Town Kopitiam, Cyberjaya. I’ve never been here before. Quite nice. I think it’s quite romantic at night. With the wooden architecture, fish pond..and maybe dim lights. I’ve never eaten here at night so I was allowing my imagination wander off a bit while I was finishing my nasi lemak.

Came back from lunch. Cat IS still there. This time, sleeping. I liked its sleeping position. So cute.

It rained heavily in the evening and the sprinkler above me was working again. (There’s a hole in the ceiling above my cubicle.) This time, I went straight to report it to my manager because the other manager seems a little deaf to me, given the fact that it has been made known to him, say twice? Sometimes you need people of a higher management level to get people of a high management level to get things done. Me, the small fly, is often treated as invisible.

I mean, who can work with water dripping on your desk? And you got to sit to the left most so that you don’t get “hit” by the water?

Went off and had dinner with a colleague. And by the time I wanted to head home, heard from the traffic report on the radio that LDP was flooded? Taman Megah part? I drove all the way to Puchong, before making an exit to Shah Alam. Not that I know where it would bring me but I just didn’t want to get stuck in a jam. But it does sound like I prefer to get lost, doesn’t it? I don’t know what made me decide to take another route but it was a risk taken there lor. I mean one siao cha bor, don’t know the way, raining, dark and yet wants to take on a new route.

I just followed the sign that says Klang/Ipoh/Subang Airport, hoping it would connect me to NKVE and exit at the Damansara toll. There was one part where I didn’t know which lane to take. Most of the cars were on the right lane. Left was without anyone and before I knew it, I saw a sign that says Cyberjaya/Putrajaya. So, I thought this time I’m going to go back to where I came from again. But somehow, there wasn’t any sign that says Cyberjaya/Putrajaya after that, and I keep seeing Ipoh/Subang Airport, so I thought I think I might still be on the right track.

But before I came to that part, during that curve I was taking after the Cyberjaya/Putrajaya sign, there was a tow car on the opposite side of the road. So, I was looking at it thinking there’s an accident. And as I was still driving along the curve, I found another tow car on the lane that I was on, but there wasn’t any accident also. Then, I saw two more tow cars and I thought this is not funny anymore. And it’s so bloody dangerous for them to just park along the curve since there is no emergency lane so if they were to park there, they are obstructing traffic from the left lane. And if you are driving rather fast on the left lane and you suddenly see tow cars obstructing your way, you either brake like mad or swerve to the right lane when there’s no car. Possibility = accident since it was dark, quiet and raining.

Maybe that’s what they are waiting for. So taking a new route today did OPENED up my eyes a little and lesson learnt: drive a little slower while you’re driving along a curve at night, on a rainy day.

Then, I saw Carlsberg and then what seemed like the Shah Alam Stadium. Then, as I went on, the surrounding was beginning to look familiar to me. And I know I’m not lost. No traffic jam along the way, only got stuck 10 minutes at the Damansara exit because I was queueing up on the Smart Tag lane when I could have just get out of the queue and head straight to Touch n’Go. Cannot see because so many cars piling up in front of me. Took Kayu Ara shortcut as soon as I got out of the Damansara exit. So happy. Reached home after an hour or so.

Someone came and we both went out for dinner. Yes, I had dinner twice today. I was so full that I was telling myself I do not have to eat tomorrow.

I don’t know why I’m happy when I see him. Not like he’s very handsome or what. More so, he is a bad guy. I don’t know why I call him bad. Maybe because I’ve never had a friend like that. His world and mine is totally different. Our background is totally different too but the one thing that I like about him is that he makes me feel right even though I know he’s a bad guy. Oh My God, how should I explain this?

Okay, let me put it this way, he’s just not the kind of guy I envisioned myself to be with, to even like, to even feel happy with. Each time I tell myself to just get rid of him from my mind but tak boleh. Because he always does something that other people won’t do to me.

For example, he can drive from his house to the shop lot outside of my place. I can see the rows of shop lots from my house so..yeah. He will park his car and then get out of his car. Give me a call on my mobile phone and asks me to go to the kitchen where I can see him from the kitchen window. Then, both of us will stand talking while seeing each other from far. I cannot see his face but I can only recognise his body figure admidst the dim light…since he always like to call late at night.

This is one of his recent stunts. He has got some previous stunts some years back. I’ll see if I want to write about it. But for now, I’m just going to tell you this stunt.

And I don’t know whether to describe it as a romantic act…but it somehow has a way to my heart. Can die!!! I tell you, can die!!!

Of course, when it first happened, I thought he was crazy and out of his mind. He did it a few more times and I begin to feel that it can be somewhat sweet. There was once when he was really having a bad time and he was really down and moody and devastated and all the bad things you can think of. He called from there but I was very cold-hearted that night. I spoke coldly, I think I was angry of him, because of the way he is. He’s just not the kind of guy whom you feel secure to be with. I always have this feeling like I can just lose him anytime.

But I know he was really feeling down that night but even knowing it, I was still very cruel and cold-hearted. Sometimes, it makes you wonder why someone would do that you know? Till that night, he sounded like he was about to cry and he said this one line that is still clearly etched in my mind.

“Grace, I like the sense of security you give me.” ??????????????

Sometimes, I think I’m on drugs when I would peer out of the kitchen window, wondering if he’s going to be out there.

I think…this is an incurable disease.