Categories
Life Work

About Thinking and Quitting

Went to meet up with a Business Consultant today. It was actually Pappy’s order for me to meet this guy because he invested in some business and I would be the one managing it together with my sister and a very important person in my life. I’m a total idiot when it comes to business but I will try this one because I always believe in Pappy. In fact, I should be thankful that he’s doing all this for me, my sister, and a very important person in my life.

Whenever Pappy has the chance, he would encourage us to go into business. He’s an example of a person who quitted his stable job and started up business on his own, in a place farway from his home (Pappy is from Muar, Johor) with practically nothing but courage and a wife that supports him.

Looking at how things are now, I see Pappy as very capable. He is my superman, fulltime advisor, part-time ATM (He would help to top up my Touch N’ Go card and fill my car with full tank of petrol when he feels like it) and a wonderful guardian.

So, I’ll try this and see whether it would be a success.

Apart from that, I’ve been thinking, thinking, thinking. Went to fight at the gym. Then, do more thinking, thinking, thinking.

I’ve got this plan that has been playing around in my mind for a few days already and I think it’s a sign that I need to do something about it. Really do something about it.

I might plan to resign earlier, maybe even before I get another new job if it is going to take awhile. The truth is I can say I cannot take it anymore, if not this just wouldn’t come playing in my mind for no apparent reason. If there’s still a gap in between after I quit and before I move on to a new job, I’ll take it as a break.

The very important person in my life says, “Just quit!”. Actually, he has been saying this much earlier to me but I have not taken any action yet. He even predicted that I might not quit this job that early as I’ve planned because he said he understands me, which is true in a way. Sometimes, it’s just so hard for me to just do one thing because I think too much.

Iris says she is not too sure and it is entirely up to me because I am the one making the decision and I should know whether it’s right or wrong.

A friend said, “Why are you forcing yourself to like your job?”

Another said, “Life is too short.”

So now I’m going to tell Mummy about it and see what she says. I expect her to say, “Really cannot already ar?” And then I’ll start with my stories again.

See the amount of assurance I need from all parties?

Then, I would need to seek advise from my fulltime advisor by writing him an email and see what he has to say. I hinted to him that I’m starting to look for a job when he called me just now.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m updating my resume.”

“And send it to where?”

“Everywhere!”

He laughed.

Besides the resume, I would need to learn how to write a resignation letter. I have never written one. Love letters I can write but not resignation letter. It’s all about writing so I”ll just look for some sample and customize it.

It’s time to wake up from dreamland to face the realities of life tomorrow again when I start to work.

Chinese New Year, can you please come quicker?

Categories
Life

The Dog

A friend sent me something on Horoscope for Year 2006. I’m born in the year 1982 and I’m very proud of that because it’s a wonderful year to be born in. Just look how wonderful I am. (*You can start throwing eggs at me*)

And so it says:

The Dog has the sense of responsibility and very loyal to the boss. For now, yes.

The female is most loyal to the husband and dotes on the children. I don’t know because I’m not married, therefore do not have any children unless you consider Ducky one.

Due to environmental influence, their dedicated character is ever changing. They are quiet with slight stubbornness. Mum says I’m stubborn.

The Dog’s strong point lies in their careful thinking and fights steadily. Therefore, very often, they can evade the crisis and move towards the successful path. I think I think too much. I hope the latter part is true that I’m moving towards the successful path.

They are enterprising business minded. But there will be risk involved if the sprint is too great as he is not careful enough to notice the risk around him.Are you sure I’m business minded?

Most Dogs are loyal, honest and have a sense of duty. Need I say more?

Their sense of responsibility is very heavy and has a lot of friends.That’s you!

In the Dog’s life, luck has always been good. It is due to a fact that they cannot recognize their strong and weak points that causes a slow response and leading to a late success. Yes, they can be rather blur and stupid at times.

In love aspect, whether it is male or female, they are always firm and faithful. Once falling in love with opposite party, they do not break faith. This one must ask my boyfriend.

In the beginning, if he/she discovers that they are not suitable for each other, he/she will stop the relationship.That is why I have broken up 4 times previously and I hope the number just stops there.

Categories
Life Work

A Life that is Mine

I didn’t go to work today because I was feeling unwell. I have been answering phone calls with a runny nose for two days already. Either I’m weak or the air-con is just too cold. When I get flu, I feel sleepier and of course my voice would sound different because I’d be talking and pinching my nose with a tissue. Had slight sorethroat as well, so figured I better stay at home and rest.

However, my sister, Iris wanted me to take her to college to hand in her assignment so I had to drive her there. I’m her chauffeur and also her mother for now because she accidentally asked her friend to put her book into her mother’s plastic bag when we were in the car and obviously, the mother was me.

She wanted to get a gift for a friend so I had to take her to One-Utama. Since we were already there, we had lunch as well. After that, I just had to drop by a bookstore when I’m in a shopping mall, which in this case is MPH. Everytime I enter a bookstore, I would head to the Self-Help section first. ( I don’t know why but it has been a habit already or maybe it’s because I always need help.) Then, I would visit the Information Technology section. (I’ve been doing this ever since I started studying IT and it still stays stuck with me till now.). Today, I ventured out to a section called “Career” because I am looking for a job. Not that I would get a job just by visiting that section but when you want to know more about something, you are drawn to it automatically. Spent a whole hour just reading.

One thing about trying out a job and then discovered that you don’t like it teaches me some important things. I know of some people who likes to work in Call Centre so much and that they need a job in which they could talk and talk and talk. But I know I’m not the kind. I need people to assign me with some task that I can concentrate on and when I see the end result, I would feel contented, satisfied and accomplished. I like to work with details.

That it’s important to do what you love whenever possible. I think it’s easier to wake up in the morning once you have that. However, one must be brave to take that step out. I’m still not brave enough even though most of the time, you listen to me ranting about how I hate my job and all that. Sometimes, I make myself like it but it just doesn’t work. I have not really done anything to change it. I’m just sitting down, talking and talking about it.

I think a lot too. I think about how selfish it is if I just leave like that since I would be learning new things, with the merging and restructuring, they certainly would need current staff to stay to make the transition easier. I think about the colleague that doesn’t have a car to go to work because my colleague and I take turns to pick her up every morning to work and then send her back once we finish work. I know it’s ridiculous to think that way because I know in one way or another the department will still survive and my colleague I hope knows the possibility of that happening to her, would sure find a way to get herself back to work everyday.

Then, you’d hear people telling you it’s hard to get a job, especially in IT. I wouldn’t want to listen to that. You can call me stubborn but I know if I listened to that then I might as well just not do anything to it since it’s hard which makes it sound not possible at all. I must keep hoping and do everything I can one step at a time to bring myself closer to it. (Okay, now I sound like Sayuri in Memoirs of a Geisha because she said, “Every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you.”)

That you would need to set your own career path because nobody knows what you love doing but only you alone. So, if it isn’t me who would set my life back into a meaningful track again, who would? If it is to be, it is up to me.

And as Sayuri said, I want a life that is mine.

Categories
Life Work

You Take Care of Grace, Okay?

Last night, when I was about to sleep, Mummy came into the room.

She climbed onto the bed and was on top of me. I was wrapped in my blanket. All sweet and cuddly.

“Where’s Ducky?” She asked.

I pulled her out underneath the warm blanket, out of her comfort zone, grabbed her by the neck and directed it to look at Mummy.

“Ducky, you must take good care of Grace, okay? Make sure she makes her bed. I will see you in Sandakan.” Mummy asked Ducky a favour.

I listened, Ducky listened too as I made her nod her head.

Mummy is cute, isn’t she?

I told Iris about it and learned that Mummy did the same thing to her too. She asked Pooh bear to take care of Iris, make sure she would not be naughty.

As usual, I feel like crying while writing this because Mummy and Pappy flew back to Sandakan today and I always would cry a little each time they fly back. But it’s okay because I’m flying back too, when Chinese New Year comes, which also happens to be the only motivation for me to go to work everyday. It’s easier when you target something to have something to look forward to.

This morning, I was very sleepy and I had running nose, which made me even sleepier. We packed McDonald’s for lunch with some other colleagues and ate at the pantry.

A senior colleague then said, “Why ar? I don’t understand you know? Why you can not talk and just listen?”

Why cannot?

She was just trying to say I’m quiet, which I am and you could say I’m the most non-talkative of all. She has been commenting about it not the first time today but several times already throughout the period I’m working here.

I’ve been thrown this question for two decades now by various people. Well, if you know me well enough, you would know that once I really feel comfortable talking to you, then I would talk enthusiastically and excitedly. But if I really don’t feel like talking or the topic just doesn’t interest or relate well to me, I sometimes prefer listening to what others have got to say. I don’t like to simply crap for the sake of crapping, which I know some people do, I see it in my office as well. I don’t know whether it has got to do with working life but I just can’t bring myself to do it. If I feel like saying something then I would. Else, I think it’s best to remain silent.

But I know sometimes I’m just a bit too cool lar, so people would feel weird.

Then, there’s this piece of article someone cut down from the Sun newspaper and stuck it on the pantry’s whiteboard. It’s called, “One Night at the Call Centre”, which happens to be a book written by Chetan Bhagat. (Click here for the article, which is the same as published in The Sun.) . It wrote, “This is to the CCC gurlz and Mr.Boss”. So, we, the CCC gurlz couldn’t help but to read it. I might want to check out this book, looks interesting to me. It would be like reading my own story.

After work, it was time for gym. Went for the Body Combat class again today. It was fun minus the slight cramp on both sides of my butt. I always get that whenever I do Body Combat (which is only two times for now) and I also get it each time I go swimming, the moment I push my body down towards the water and then pulling it up again once my legs reached the bottom of the pool. I know it could be due to lack of warming up exercise but I think it has got to do with not having enough vitamin. Calcium perhaps.

Masa tidak mengizinkan. It’s time for bed now and I’ll stop writing. Sleep tight!

Categories
Life

Looking Forward

I WANT TO:

1. Quit my current job. Someone in the office shares the same resolution as me as well. How do I know? Well, in the office pantry, there’s a white board that all of us could scribble on. We can write just anything or draw just anything. A few days before the new year, someone wrote the title “My 2006 New Year Resolutions”. Item #5 read “Quit the company”. I just want to look for a job that I love doing. The next second job that I would land myself with might not directly be that dream job, but at least I hope to make it a step closer.

2. Exercise religiously. I know I can do this one pretty easily. That’s because I’ve signed up for gym which means I’m paying for it so I’m not going to waste my money just like that.

3. Remember. Ever since I’ve started working, I’ve treated my work as the largest thing in my life that I sometimes forget the little things. It’s normal to feel that way I guess because you always want to do your best in your first job to set a good foundation in whatever that you’re doing. I think about my customers even after work (of which I’m sure they won’t be thinking about me after work) that I start to forget about the things I should do for myself, my parents, my sister, my other half and friends. I must remember to call my parents instead of them calling me. I should check on them instead of them checking on me. I should care about how my sister is doing in her studies. I ought to put in more effort to care more about him. I should check on my friends once in a while to see whether they are doing fine.

4. Speak more effortlessly and more spontaneously. This has always been a must-have New Year Resolutions every year because sometimes I do have problem speaking out, speaking up. No problem if you want me to write because that’s what I do best but not speaking. I don’t like to talk much but I must make myself talk when it’s necessary.

5. Eat more fruits.

I DON’T WANT TO:

1. Give up.

2. Be miserable even if I get pushed around, taking orders non-stop from other people, being ranted at and worse, getting scolded at work. This is not an easy one but I will try.

3. Close my eyes. I don’t want to fall asleep. Cause I’d miss you, baby. And I don’t wanna miss a thing.

4. Be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind.

5. (minus the “to”) Another pretty face. I don’t want just anyone to hold. I don’t want my love to go to waste. I want you and your beautiful soul.