This is what I discovered for this round of my depression relapse.
As of writing now (9pm), I’m a happy lady, all normal. Hence, based on the past days, my mornings are usually the shittiest. Then it gets better as the day goes along. Some days I’m not very hyper and chirpy but I would feel ok. Some days, I feel light and joyful.
This is better as compared to my first major depression where I was basically just shitty all day long, except for the suicidal thoughts that came this round. I can tell you I can kind of understand why a person would commit suicide because at that point of time, they can’t think and all they want is out – to end it.
I know mine are just thoughts because when I read about the young guy who committed suicide at the shopping mall just recently, I told myself I’m not going to be like him. And I keep reminding myself about all the people who love me, no matter how hard it gets when the depression creeps in. Easier said than done but I will fight this nonsense off.
I can only pray that I will wake up tomorrow feeling chirpy. And on another note, if you ask me which is tougher, depression or dengue, it would be depression. The suffering of dengue now is nothing to me.