Yesterday wasn’t the best of days. I just didn’t feel right. I got up and did some exercise for 30 minutes. The body and soul felt lighter after that. During shower, I was just summarizing the events over the past week, the past weeks, over the span of a few months. I thought about my unhappy moments, the disappointment, the setbacks, the chaos and clutter in my mind. I also thought about my husband-to-be that has been very supportive, the conversation I had with my dad last year in the car, the people around me who have been kind towards me.
I don’t know why but I just cried in the shower. There are just feelings you can’t possibly describe it perfectly with words. There are just feelings you need to let it out. My way of doing it was through tears. I went to bed with such swollen eyes and somehow managed to get about 3 hours of sleep only because for some reason I woke up at 3am and wasn’t able to get some deep sleep after that.
However, I woke up this morning feeling better even though I was tired, my eyes were still tired and swollen but the heart seems to be opening up to take in the goodness the day has to offer. It’s going to be another 3 days before I will be unemployed.
I was calculating and doing some budgeting of how long I can survive without any income. I don’t want to be stressed out or panicking over it. I’m thankful that I have enough savings to manage for the time being. I just need to be thrifty and make sure I don’t simply spend. If not having any increase in the bank account will bring back the richness I need in my life as I take time off from work, then I’d rather fill myself up with as much richness as I can before I enter the corporate world once again.
I don’t want to feel bad or guilty that this job didn’t work out for me. I would just take it as a path I needed to take and go through. I don’t want to think about how I wasn’t able to cope but I want to remember about the times when I was able to do very well and excel. It may seem like it’s been ages but if I can do it before, I can do it again. I will shine in due time.