Me, GPS and the Temple

I had this sudden desire to visit the temple. Whenever I feel a little down in the dumps and after talking to people and if I still don’t feel good, I would think of going there.

I have never been able to find the shortest way to get there. I would always go through a long way to get there because I just don’t know how to, not even with the help of my GPS the last time. So, today..I drove alone. A new experience for me because whenever I go to the temple, there’s always someone with me. It’s either my sister, my parents or all of us together. I relied on the GPS as well and told myself even if I ended up taking the long way again because sometimes I don’t know what my GPS is trying to tell me and because KL has got too many paths that branches out on a highway to take, I tend to take the wrong one! Talk about knowing my GPS better.

I think I sort of bonded with my GPS already today. He led me there. It still wasn’t completely accurate because I turned off a junction too soon but that turn off put a smile on my face. I saw a really nice place. Sierra Seputeh.

Prayed. Probably one of the longest. Even the ash from the joss sticks started spattering the back of my hand, stinging me slightly.

The last time I was here. I prayed for the strength and a guiding light to a problem I had then. After 4 years being haunted with the problem, now I’m free. The moment I knew it’s solved, I didn’t had the excitement of jumping up and down nor did I laughed. I was trapped for so long that I think I grew immuned to it. Of course, there was a sense of relief and my heart just felt like it could fly again. Today, I came here wanting to be grateful that this has now pass. I met the person who caused me all these pain the last week or so. I saw him from inside a restaurant and he was standing outside with a woman and I think he was about to come in when he saw me. He went elsewhere. At that moment, I do not feel any hatred or whatsoever. I swear if my friends or people who knew my story had seen him, they would maybe bash him up. It’s the thought that they would bash him up (though I know they wouldn’t literary do so) makes me feel warm inside because I know people care for me. I have troubled so many people during the process but they did not give up on me. For that, I thank you.

This entire week hasn’t been that kind to me or I should say I didn’t have enough capacity in my heart to take in that much so I kinda got a little dramatic than I intended to. Although there were actions, situations and people who contributed into the drama I was in, I wouldn’t say I disliked or hated anyone in particular. I just hated the situation and circumstances I was in. Mostly because something similar had happened before and I am angry that I’m reminded of the past. I am also angry that it seems to be repeating. I may have actually started to have a good feeling about something and that’s also when I started to realise things that may not go smoothly in the long run even though I think I could and I may be able to bend myself to accept the situation as is now. That was a form of disappointment and frustration that I wanted to let go.

If you ask me, I can forgive and move on and not take things too seriously. But I need to carry myself well and be more mature, wise and steady should I bump into issues like these in the future. When I was thrown with the problem I had 4 years ago, I thought it was so big, nothing else would be bigger than this. I just want to tell myself that this really isn’t a big problem at all, the things that happened the past week. I just need to recollect myself and just be Grace.

I want to thank my friends and everyone who had listened to me, who were there to support me. I’m blessed that I have people that I can count on to.

Love,
Grace

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