Relieved

I’m feeling so relieved today, after worrying for the past few days. The moment I got home after dinner, I immediately dived onto my sofa and watch “Three Brothers”, another Korean series…and coincidentally it was the last 2 episodes I was watching. The story ended with a happy ending.

Today is not just a normal day at work. I managed to get out of my shell a little but I reckon I can do more than that. I’m very self-conscious and I’m very in need of others approval so there are times, I mind my words and actions too much. While others are confident to be themselves, I still remain in the invisible shell I build for myself. No one sees the shell but me.

It is not something that happened overnight. It’s something I’ve been trying to overcome throughout the years. I don’t know if it’s my nature or it’s going to be like that forever. Maybe I”ll come out of that shell and I want to but I don’t know how long it’s gonna take.

There is nothing scary about talking to people you don’t know. But for me, I’m so afraid at talking to new people that I get so stressed up and my mind goes blank and then I’m tongue-tied and I don’t know what to say…which results in me feeling worse and then I stressed myself out, wondering why it’s easy for others to articulate their views.

I write better than I speak. Words just seemed to flow effortlessly when I write…but it’s different when I speak. Something I need to work on. I know I can do it, I am just not confident enough and I care too much about how people will judge me.

I’ve got another car to drive now so Iris is driving to work herself and I drive to work on my own. It frees up a lot of time and I should be able to slot in some cooking time from tomorrow onwards.

My body and well-being has deteriorated from eating outside too much. It’s time I balance it with some home-cooked food. I’m a bit rusty now that I’ve not cooked for a while but I should really get started. I would like to cook nutritious meals for Iris as well so that she can focus better at work!

I’m thankful that I was able to remain calm and collected today.

Hoping tomorrow will be as good as today, if not, BETTER! 🙂

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