The Right Time

Okay, I’m supposed to go cook rice for lunch in the office tomorrow and bathe but then I just feel like writing. So here goes my second entry of the day.

I feel a little bored at work in the morning because I’m not doing my job because I enjoy doing it but because I know it’s my responsibility to get it done. Even though I may not enjoy it but each time I turn on the computer and start reading the mails, I get stuck. I’m rooted. Full concentration.

I’m happy that the things that I’ve been struggling to do the previous week seemed easier now. So, practice does make it almost perfect. But I’m not being complacent yet because there is still a lot to learn and I’m starting to worry the three days in which I’ll need to cover for another colleague who’s going on leave. She’s the only one who knows what to do with that portion of work which I’m learning from her. So, when she is away and if I’m faced with difficulties, of which I know I would since that’s the nature of the work and industry, I need to be very brave and very smart. Everyday is problem solving day.

The feeling that has been visiting me from time to time is back again. The desire to move on to something different. Something new. I’ve always tell myself that “It’s not the time yet.” But really, I don’t know when the time would be right or is there such a thing as a right time?

For all I know, the time would never be right for me because I’m capable of holding on the silliest thought to make myself stay. I’ve always been telling myself to hang on there. I did though sometimes I ended up in tears. I’ve been telling myself to persevere for a year. I managed to go through that. I guess I’ll always feel this way when you feel like there’s still something in life that I’ve not done, have not tried. There will always be a “what if” and I want to answer that.

And even if moving on to that something new isn’t going to be my piece of cake, I think that would answer myself. I’m not going to write what it is that I would like to do for my next job because there is a possibility that it might not come true once I say it out. See? I’m capable of very silly thoughts.

But I’ll tell you when I reach there.

I have been telling people that I’m looking for a new job but I’ve never really been very serious at applying for one. I will flip through the newspaper, discover some that I think is interesting and that’s just it. I will browse job sites and save them and never bother applying for any.

Yesterday was different though. I took action.

Good luck, Gracie!